The Stupid Names List

Enjoy the shit-storm, people.

{ 502 comments… read them below or add one }

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golden July 23, 2009 at 2:42 pm: you can add remedy to that list. i saw a post somwhere where someone named their kid that.
Jodi August 2, 2009 at 9:41 pm: With the kind of work I do I see them all. One I saw recently was Champayne. I guess the name itself wasn’t bad enough so they had to misspell it.
Mackenzie September 4, 2009 at 10:03 am: Nevaeh, heaven backwards. Fuck it.
shitson September 7, 2009 at 9:40 am: wtf is wrong with chloe?
Maestro September 9, 2009 at 10:11 am: The name a dilettante British car dealer I once knew named one of his kids. This was a few decades ago, but no doubt Maestro doesn’t work, gets laughed at and gets called lots of vulgar names, just like the car he was named after.
Lee Stevenson September 11, 2009 at 10:32 am: I work with the public school system and recently saw a kid with the name God Favors Sunday. Sunday is his last name.
Anonymous September 20, 2009 at 5:39 pm: “Talan” Just saw this one on facebook, “Mommy is so original”
mos mekan ontoon arasdasf December 14, 2009 at 8:50 pm: yes thats my real name mos-mekan ( first ) ontoon (middle) (arasdasf) and you guys complian about names….. you dont want to what I went through in school… lol
Lemonjello Redenbacher December 22, 2009 at 9:18 am: Good God, Mos-Mekan — that’s one hell of a name! Your last name looks like the middle row of my keyboard.
Hi February 12, 2010 at 3:08 am: What about “Talula-Does-The-Hula-From-Hawaii”
Kambrie February 20, 2010 at 2:40 pm: What the heck is wrong with my name you freaking idots! Sue my parents for being original and not naming me Emily or Mary like the other 99% of the population! You have WAYYYYY too much time on you’re hands to make a site this stupid!
Jessica February 27, 2010 at 11:49 am: I have a good name for you. I went to elementary school with this kid named NILKNARF. His dad’s name was Franklin and they decided to name him Franklin backwards after his dad. WTF? Needless to say, He got picked on A LOT.
Lemonjello Redenbacher March 16, 2010 at 12:32 pm: Kambrie — what’s wrong with your name? It’s stupid, that’s all. I don’t intend to sue your parents — just to “out” them for being fucking idiots. And if I have too much time on my hands to make a site that hundreds of people visit daily, then think of how much time a moron like YOU has to spend it visiting shitty sites like mine!

Jessica — I hope Nilknarf’s father gets raped by a grizzly bear.
brownjello April 30, 2010 at 12:42 pm: I think you should add every character from a sci-fi movie, Tv show, Anime, etc.

http://www.galacticast.com/2006/05/29/sci-fi-baby-names/
Yurik Hunt May 8, 2010 at 11:34 am: This is one of the best laughs I’ve had in a long time.
Anonymous June 19, 2010 at 6:25 pm: Well, honestly if this is all you karawanenbewohner types can worry about, then good luck. You are as thick as the oil you crave.
Good luck Heiny on your quest. I hope your pension is safe.
Lemonjello Redenbacher June 21, 2010 at 7:24 am: You too, Anonymous. I hope that you can gather enough shit and paper scraps for that new roof this winter!
Janie June 29, 2010 at 5:55 pm: How bout the name Alecsis – on a guy!
Lemonjello Redenbacher July 28, 2010 at 2:56 pm: That’s awful for either sex, Janie.
Lauren July 30, 2010 at 12:52 am: I posted this comment on one of the names, but I decided to reiterate here due to its frequency throughout your posts. What, exactly, is it that makes you dislike a name? Sometimes it’s obvious, like it sounds ridiculously stupid, is a stupid spelling, or isn’t a word suitable for a name. (i.e. Ransom) Other times, however, you bitch because the name is very common. But then you turn around and bitch about other names because nobody else has them and, so, it’s like the parents are trying too hard to be creative. Maybe they just like the way the name sounds. What is it you hate–names that are common or names that aren’t?
Lemonjello Redenbacher July 30, 2010 at 8:56 am: Both, if they suck.
Oliver Sipple July 31, 2010 at 11:23 am: Aside from people giving their kids weird names it’s also annoying when they use overused, trendy names.

Here is a list

Brittney
Ashley
Lindsey
Kayden
Jaden
Aiden
anything else ending with aden, aiden or ayden
Joshua
jacob
ethan
mckayla
mckenzie
emma
bella
sophie
isabella

If you name your child any of these names you are an idiot and a bad parent who deserves a punch in the face.
Lauren July 31, 2010 at 4:46 pm: Ok, so it’s basically “If the name is stupid to begin with, I will pick at anything wrong with it”? :p

I have never met or heard of any Aidens, is it really that common of a name? o.O
Lemonjello Redenbacher August 2, 2010 at 7:05 am: Aiden was the 72nd most popular name in the entire United States in 2009 (check out the Social Security Administration’s stats if you don’t believe me). That’s the entire fucking country — #72.

Maybe you should get out more, Lauren.
Anon August 3, 2010 at 10:29 am: Here’s one for your list, I actually know someone who named their kid “Legend”, and another; “Jesse James”
Kate August 9, 2010 at 6:36 pm: I can’t believe I heard a parent call out “Remmington”. Of course the child ignored his mother (wouldn’t you, if you were given THAT name?) I wonder if he has a brother named “Gillette”?….
Laure August 9, 2010 at 10:57 pm: 72 isn’t THAT high. Its pretty high, considering how many people are out there, but it’s not high enough for you to get all snippy just because I happen to live in an area that doesn’t have an Aidens in it. Maybe it seems like there are more to you than there actually are because you take such intense notice of it so you can prove that you’re right. Sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lemonjello Redenbacher August 17, 2010 at 9:57 am: 72 isn’t that high?!?! Are you fucking crazy? Of all of the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of names given to kids in America in 2009, that one ranks 72nd!!!!

I would gladly move to where you live if there aren’t any Aidens. Let me know when you move away from there and I’ll relocate.
Wendy August 24, 2010 at 12:46 am: Aalani…comes form someone that also has the name Tylar and Kiarnah
Wendy August 24, 2010 at 12:47 am: Narli, Which I think might be a cultural name, but in a very non cultural area, also there are plenty of other names that done relate to surfing awsomeness
Kathryn September 14, 2010 at 5:58 pm: Apparently there is a child named Laykin

http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/post/778641810/click-to-enlarge-mama-drama-wow-i-havent#disqus_thread
L September 14, 2010 at 10:16 pm: Add Gauge, Shantii, Maverick, Lucky, Felix, Archibald, Sheronah- just a few ones I know. Also, check out Freakonomics- success, happiness etc are based on your name!
Nyree September 20, 2010 at 1:55 pm: Yehh the names are weird and a little stupid, but your not funny. You just say shit a lot..
Lemonjello Redenbacher September 21, 2010 at 7:46 am: Hey Nyree — thanks for your input. Criticism on a site about stupid names means a lot coming from someone named Nyree.
W Taylor M October 8, 2010 at 7:54 pm: My middle name is Taylor. It’s my grandfathers last name, I’m named after him, so that’s why MY name is Taylor. The problem is simple, it is not a good name. Then all the morons who gave me shit over my middle name turned around and decided it’s actually a great first name for their little morons, and it’s unisex at that. I would like to remind everyone, especially said morons, Taylor is a last name, it was lame as a middle name, it’s god-awful as a first name. That is all.
Lemonjello Redenbacher October 11, 2010 at 12:56 pm: There you have it! Straight from the horse’s mouth. Taylor lives the bullshit every day. Listen to people like Taylor, not ridiculous parents who come up with these names.
Archibald :D October 13, 2010 at 2:38 pm: haha. ive got one
randy bumgardener
Willy Stroker
Jay October 13, 2010 at 10:46 pm: Some horrible people I know named their baby boy “Jaxzen.” Jackson as a first name is passible (if Jackson is a family name, maybe), but this… No words.

Proof it exists:
http://www.babycenter.com/baby-names-jaxzen-585245.htm
Lemonjello Redenbacher October 14, 2010 at 2:54 pm: And if you go to Jay’s link, there, you will also notice them suggesting that if you like the name Jaxzen, you may also like the names “Jaxen, Jaxxon, Jacsen, Jaxyn, Jaxson and Brixon.”

Of course you will — those names all suck dick too! You will also probably like just about every name I’ve listed above.

And what the fuck is a Brixon?!?!
Sara October 23, 2010 at 8:38 am: There is actually someone named “Sparkles” in town. And “Moneye” haha
Sean Evans October 27, 2010 at 12:12 pm: My cousin named her baby daughter Tatiana Ursula. So far, “Tia” and “Tatsy” are the nicknames of choice.
Lemonjello Redenbacher October 28, 2010 at 9:14 am: TATSY?!?! Jesus Christ that’s awful. Next time you see your cousin, walk up to her and kick her right in the snatch. Maybe that will deter her from having more children and damning them with ridiculous names.
Sean Evans October 29, 2010 at 3:10 am: So this just showed up on my facebook feed:
“Krystals baby was born at 12:55am. Naeveh welcome to the world baby!”
The lesson being that if you give your kid a bad name, you’re damning your future grandchildren to worse names.
JJ November 7, 2010 at 2:43 pm: The worst name ever is Madison for a girl. First of all, it’s a surname. Second of all, it means “Son of Maud.” Third, the only reason it even exists as a name is because of that stupid mermaid movie, but even the character only had that name because it was on a street sign. McKenzie is also bad for reasons #1 and #2.
Lemonjello Redenbacher November 8, 2010 at 7:26 am: I agree 100%, JJ. Well, maybe not the worst EVER, as evidenced by the list above. But they both suck a tremendous amount of balls.
Kylie November 10, 2010 at 3:41 am: Worst I EVER saw was X-tina. Yup! As in xmas = christmas, so X-tina MUST equal Cristina *rolls eyes*
penelope November 10, 2010 at 6:27 am: I had a friend whos parents blessed her with the name Emma-Lee, because Emily wasn’t good enough. She went by Emma in an attempt to hide from the sh!t stained brush her mother tarred her with
Django J'den Godblessed Okumbo November 13, 2010 at 8:23 am: What about Sephiroth and all the other anime/game inspired names? And Le-a (pronounced Ledasha)
Lemonjello Redenbacher November 19, 2010 at 10:57 am: If you name your kid from anything anime or game related it’s exactly like name your kid a Star Trek or Stars name. You might as well name him Nerd, Dork or Kick-My-Ass-Please.
Karen November 19, 2010 at 11:46 am: Oh, I am so loving this string, ROFL! Keep it up, Lemonjello!
(First name “Karen”, middle name “Ann” – Mom and Dad kept it simple, thank goodness!)
Lemonjello Redenbacher November 22, 2010 at 7:34 am: Karen, if your parents are still living (and I truly hope they are – common sense folk should be granted eternal Earthen life), next time you see them give each of them a gentle kiss and thank them for not making your life harder than life already has to be.
Charddonay Moet Champahs November 29, 2010 at 6:30 am: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXTngYxm8Bs

love reading all this! you have to check out this video!
Charddonay Moet Champahs November 29, 2010 at 6:35 am: how about Londyn!!!!!!!!!!
recently published in my local newspaper!!!!!
i bet there are some Irelands out there as well,
stupid dicks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charddonay Moet Champahs November 29, 2010 at 6:38 am: the you tube video is a clip from a show called Chasers War on Everything,
Cracking down on baby name

very funny!
(just letting you know its not spam)
Lemonjello Redenbacher November 29, 2010 at 8:04 am: Charddonay – thanks for the video, I had not seen that before. Damn…if only it were real.

And there are definitely some Irelands out there.
Kate December 1, 2010 at 11:18 pm: Kayleigh – Enough with the “creative” spelling crap. This name is stupid enough spelled conventionally.
Lemonjello Redenbacher December 2, 2010 at 8:29 am: Yeah Kate – that’s an example of taking an already annoying name and making it completely unbearable. Fuck Kayleigh’s parents straight to hell!
Jim December 3, 2010 at 7:50 pm: My wife is a nurse, and along with “Nevaeh”, she sees lots of kids named “Semaj”, pronounced sa-ma-shay. It’s James backwards, usually after the absent babydaddy. As a James myself, I find this particularly laughable. She’s now taken to jokingly referring to me as Semaj to her co-workers, who all think it’s a stupid name as well!
Anonymous December 5, 2010 at 2:14 pm: Alyvia pronounced Olivia, of course.
Lemonjello Redenbacher December 6, 2010 at 12:41 pm: Of course it is.
Golden December 9, 2010 at 4:42 pm: Here are a few more from my daughter’s kindergarten class.
Quorrie (Cory?)
Timyah (Ti my uh)
Ajah (Ay Juh)
Keymarie
Jayonte (Jay on tay)
Imani
I mispelled Shamya last time, it has an H on the end, so Shamyah. (Shi my uh)
I think there are 3 or 4 kids with normal common names in her class, Ariel, Jenna(my kid,) James and Anthony.
Lemonjello Redenbacher December 13, 2010 at 9:46 am: I’ll give you credit, Golden – Jenna isn’t that bad. Maybe you have a tiny bit of hope in you!

Next time you are at a school function and the parents of Quorrie, Timyah, Ajah, Ketmarie, Jayonte and/or Imani are present – you should kick the shit out of each and every one of them.
Talitha December 17, 2010 at 10:54 pm: Sunshine. I know a girl called Sunshine. Now I just kind of mumble her name when I see her, because I feel like a fucking moron saying: “Hi, Sunshine!”
Laura December 21, 2010 at 8:40 pm: Great website!
I’d like to add Xayden-(another uneekque name in the Brayden/Aiden/Caden/Jaden/Zaden family)- name given to a friend’s new baby. Also, my aunt, a teacher, had a few interesting ones in the class roster, such as Lovideep, Morphine, and Tayjawanna.
Lemonjello Redenbacher December 23, 2010 at 3:40 pm: Xayden?!?! C’mon…you’re fucking with me…right?

Actually, no. I totally believe you. That’s the way things are going these days. I hope to God you de-friended those motherfuckers right there on the spot, the moment you heard that shitty name.
Kitty December 29, 2010 at 2:14 pm: I went to school with a poor bastard named Dawson Swanson.
Natti January 7, 2011 at 10:42 am: The La-a name is not a myth. My boyfriend went to tech school with a girl named La-a.

Also Elwell. A kid in my school is named Elwell. As in deceased writer George Elwell. Yeah…

A friend of mine just recently named her child October Skyye. To make matters worse, the kid was born in November. This kid is a girl, and she wants her nickname to be Toby. October, Tober, Toby, get it? Yeah, me neither.
Lemonjello Redenbacher January 7, 2011 at 10:49 am: You seem to be level-headed, Natti – how could you be friends with such stupidity?

I don’t get the planning of a nickname. If a nickname develops in the natural course of things, fine. But if you PLAN to call a kid something — just fucking name her that! I have many friends from the Southern U.S., and they are all referred to by their middle names. What sort of sense does this make?
Sean January 8, 2011 at 11:28 am: The absolute worst name I’ve ever come across is “Female” – pronounced “Fuh-mall-E.” The mother assumed the hospital named her child for her. At least the parents with the f*d up spellings for their kids’ names are trying to be creative (although extremely misplaced creativity). It’s just one step better than NOT naming your kid at all. True story.
Nope, not getting a real name January 10, 2011 at 9:26 pm: Honestly, any name could go on the list. Names depend on culture.
Artemis January 11, 2011 at 8:33 pm: You forgot one that I’ve seen twice (not personally, though): Sparkal! No, not Sparkle (which is bad enough already). What a wonderful name that’s semi-interesting for all of 2 seconds and then becomes a living hell for the rest of your life. imagine going to the doctor for an operation and they say, “Hi, I’m doctor Sparkal–”. Ouch
Kate January 12, 2011 at 10:04 pm: Have you heard that even the !!!*POPE*!!! himself is admonishing parents not to name their kids “celebrity” names? (Yes folks, it’s gotten THAT bad!)
Apparently Monsignor Andrew Faley, (the assistant general secretary to the Catholics Bishops’ Conference) concurs, saying that a “name is not just a label”. He explains further by saying, “Naming children after perfumes, bicycles and countries is putting a limit on their potential. They are not merchandise or commodities.”
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2011/01/11/pope-warns-parents-giving-children-non-christian-names/
Are these parents sentencing their children to hell by giving them such ASININE names?!
That's it. January 17, 2011 at 9:48 am: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxqCGTkV5wg
George Carlin, on guys named Todd and so on. Absolutely related and worth a watch.
Steve January 18, 2011 at 7:25 pm: What about Ruby-Tuesday Cherry-Blossom!
That’s her name.
Ruby-Tuesday is her first name, Cherry-Blossom is her middle name.
That kid’s got no future, even her surname is hyphenated.
Vanessa January 21, 2011 at 12:55 am: Hey lemonjello, good job on this site, it’s truly depressing to see where name trends are going these days… But to contribute, i was reading a popular magazine where this lady was talking about her kid, and the kid’s name was Pilot. again, this was published in a national magazine.
Lemonjello Redenbacher January 21, 2011 at 5:56 am: Why, thank you, Vanessa.

Can you imagine the embarrassment of any right thinking person, yelling out, “Pilot. PILOT!!! Come on…time for dinner!”? Insanity.
Kelli January 24, 2011 at 1:23 pm: How about Indiana (boy) and Blakely (girl)…these are siblings! For serious!
Tut tut January 29, 2011 at 8:33 am: Awful. I know of a Shaydon, Kason-Dane, Kerawhyn, Marnie Rae, Miar and Tia.

But what’s wrong with Joshua or Isabella?
Candy February 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm: Someone just told me that a family member is naming thier kid…Tell. SERIOUSLY? Way to tourture your kid by the name!
Michelle February 2, 2011 at 9:34 am: Thats okay my sister is naming her kid Valkyrie. Forever everyone will hear it and think “Tom Cruise with an eye patch and no german accent??”. It SUCKS.
Artemis February 4, 2011 at 11:09 pm: Actually when I hear Valkyrie I think of wild Viking women on flying horses with some Wagner playing in the background. Why don’t they pick Valerie instead? Similar name but without the mythology/Tom Cruise movie connection
Timmah February 5, 2011 at 1:04 am: Shadynasty.

Pronounced: Sha-dynasty.

Holy shit.
Artemis February 6, 2011 at 9:37 am: What about the name Cyprian? Apparantly it’s pronounced “Kiprian” and it’s a weird religious name (It’s my super-Catholic 3rd cousin 4 times removed kid’s name; that’s the only reason why I’ve heard of it) Unfortunately, Cyprian isn’t alone; he has siblings named Thaddeus and Basil (thankfully, I’ve never met these people and I have no plan to)
Lemonjello Redenbacher February 8, 2011 at 8:13 am: Cyprian sounds like a vitamin and/or mineral.

“Sir, it looks like your Cyprian levels are dangerously low. We’ll need to get you on some Cyprian supplements – and for God’s sake would it hurt you to get a little exercise now and then?”
Yoe February 12, 2011 at 3:55 am: I know of a woman who named her son Seven. I also know of: Tough, Obedience, and Justice.
John February 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm: I have friends who named their kids Aja (or Asia I’m not sure) and Journey. And because they are my friends I opened my mind to this new type of naming. So I’ve got a pretty high tolerance, okay?

But today I was listening to a radio report about kids’ eating problems, and the woman said her kid’s name was – okay you have to wait for this one . . .

Ready?

FOUNTAIN
Lemonjello Redenbacher February 15, 2011 at 1:28 pm: Asia and Journey? What the fuck are they – supergroup junkies? That’s just awful.

I imagine that an eating problem is but one of MANY problems that a kid named Fountain has.
tableleg Johnson February 16, 2011 at 4:11 pm: http://www.facebook.com/miranda.m.lopes

she’s going to name her kid bentley.

there’s still time to save him!

Do it for the children!!!
Julie February 22, 2011 at 11:47 am: How about Lachlan?
Lemonjello Redenbacher February 22, 2011 at 11:52 am: Pretty stupid in America, but I assume it’s probably okay in Ireland.
Amy February 23, 2011 at 6:37 pm: When I was a kid, I met brothers who were unfortunately named Eggbert and Flaxseed. I really wish I was kidding, but I’m not. I’d like to know what their parents were smoking when they came up with those names.
Frieda February 23, 2011 at 6:39 pm: I read an article about a woman who named her twin boys Lemonjello and Orangejello, all because she craved lemon and orange Jell-O when she was pregnant with them.
Irina February 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm: This was in the local paper:

Baby Yyzabellahh makes five generations!
The birth of Yyzabellahh Jordyn… added a fifth generation to two sides of her family.

Mother’s name is Brytney.
Dick February 28, 2011 at 11:19 am: Dick. Ever thought about that?!
Lemonjello Redenbacher February 28, 2011 at 11:21 am: The name? Or do I have thoughts of dick in general?

The latter – not really. The former – yes, it would suck to be named Dick, and that is a stupid name. But obviously, that one’s a lost cause. Too common. They needed someone like me way back when this ball started rolling.
Just John March 2, 2011 at 6:19 pm: Baby Yyzabellahh makes five generations! Mother’s name is Brytney.

This only proves that teenage moms like stupid names.
Cait March 6, 2011 at 8:18 pm: i know a baby named Meadow now thats like one of the worst names ever!
Amanda March 18, 2011 at 3:07 pm: A lady at work has a granddaughter named Desuma – Amused backwards. S-T-U-P-I-D!
Anna March 20, 2011 at 1:20 pm: I know a family that has a boy names Ridge & a girl named Infinity! That’s just sinful! I have a son named Mackenzie, but we call him Mack. I often wondered why people call girls Mackenzie as it means “son of”. It’s a family name. My dad & my grandfather both had the name Mackenzie, but it was shortened to Mack as well.
Anna March 20, 2011 at 1:21 pm: Meant to type boy named Ridge, not names Ridge…sorry

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