About Stupid Kid Names
Welcome to StupidKidNames.com. You’ll either love us or hate us.
We assume you’re visiting us because one of your friends or acquaintances has told you about StupidKidNames.com and was either:
a) horrified at the cruel manner in which we skewer parents and their decisions to saddle their children ridiculously self-indulgent and shamefully stupid names; or
b) delighted at the fact that someone is finally saying what you’ve been thinking every time some brain-dead fuckstick friend of yours has burst through your door swaddling a newborn named Paden, Breckstin, Trinja, Jaggart, Trixton, Alize’, Cearra, Kaydinn, or Dontraveontrelle.
Either way, welcome. We pretty much approve all comments, negative or positive, so knock yourself out.
This site is our forum for the merciless mocking of parents who give their children stupid names. Note that our intent is not to make fun of children themselves, because — well, that’d just be assholish. We have children ourselves, for God’s sake. What do you think we are, monsters?
We do recognize, though, that plenty of children will probably be Googling their own stupid names and find this site. For those of you who fit that description, we’re really sorry your parents were such narcissistic jackasses that they named you something outlandish and retarded just so their friends would think they were clever. You’re probably right at that stage where kids start hating their parents — and that’s good, because yours deserve to be hated.
Anyway, down to business. Unless you’ve been in a coma for the last 10 years, you know that the trend of saddling kids with outlandishly nonsensical combinations of random syllables has been getting worse and worse. Everyone knows there’s long been sort of been an under-the-breath joke about black families getting, er, creative about the pronounciations and spellings of some of their children’s names (our friend at stuffblackpeoplehate.com goes into much better detail than we, as honkeys, are allowed to) — but the truth is, white people are the equal of black-folk at giving their kids some seriously fucked-up names.
We’re not sure why it started happening, exactly. Some anthropology grad student will probably chime in with a comment in a couple of months, but until then, let’s have fun speculating. It seems to have taken hold sometime in the ’90s — around that time, “regular” names started to not be quite good enough anymore for the new mothers of the world. And by regular names, we mean names that are actually names of human fucking beings other than the one you just squeezed out of your vagina.
We’d explain further, but I don’t think we have to. If you live in the same world we do, you know at least a half-dozen airhead mothers or vacant-eyed couples who blather on about how they wanted their child to have a unique name so that they would be unique — and are blissfully unaware of the fact that all children are unique and a freakish moniker wouldn’t make things better or worse in that regard.
We used to just laugh it off, but the shit is just out of control now, to the point where we had to go public and unite some folks in a rebellion based on ridicule. If you’re the parent of a child with a name featured on this site, then we mean this from the bottom of our heart: You should be ashamed of yourself, although you’re probably too stupid to realize it. And honestly, what’s done is done, so let’s not focus on you.
However….if you’re knocked up and still deciding about baby names, be advised, sweetheart — we’re paying attention, and we’re finding new stupid names to profanely and tastelessly mock every day. You don’t want you and your kid to end up on here, do you?
The rest of you, enjoy the site in whatever way you choose. We love fan mail and hate mail both, and will probably reproduce it all with smarmy accompanying comments with the hate mail. Cheerio!
Your Doting Site Founders,
Lemonjello Reddenbacher & Orangejello Jenkins
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Awesome site, BTW. Here’s a REALLY stupid name- ADOLF HITLER CHAMBERS. A couple actually named their kid that.
Ok, here are a few that my coworkers and I have seen. We work in a pediatric Hospital. Trust me, they are all true.
Porn
Chevy Hotrod
Hemi Dakota [Chevy's Big Brother]
Diaherria
meconium
Female [fee-malle]
President Austin
La-a [La dash a]
Anis [anus]
Sackmaster
about 30k Neveah’s most spelled wrong [is it me, or do the backward words mean the opposite]
Jurney Decoutah
That’s all we can remember off the top of our heads. More to come
Thank you, Theft (is that your real name?).
God…Sackmaster is fantastically bad. So are the brothers Chevy and Hemi.
I have a friend that teaches elementary and she swears there is a little girl in her class whose middle name is Lesassymonkie. I’m a little dubious, but she swears it’s true, and maybe it is…I mean how could you make up something that bad? Lesassymonkie……
My name is Fire i have a friend named Ever and her sister,s name is kitten and her twin brothers names are doom and boom.
dude you really need to get a life. or a hobby, try doing somthing productive instead of bashing people’s names. honestly you’re just making yourself look stupid.
I’m shooting the next person in the face that names their kid Nevaeh. IT’S DUMB!! and not original!! All these Nevaehs will be juvenile delinquents and/or strippers (hookers) before age 12. gah people….really….it’s okay to name your kid a “normal” name.
Thanks, Someone. I never realized I was making myself look stupid — even though you have no fucking idea who I am. That means a lot coming from someone who can’t put together a legitimate sentence.
Here’s an idiotic name some lady named her son. Saw this while making rounds in the NICU:
Qwinzy
Indeed it is, RK…indeed it is. Makes you wonder if there’s more to that child being in the NICU — like brain damage from maternal drug use.
i sh*t u not. i met a guy (who did waaaay too many drugs) who literally named his son Annhilation. i didn’t believe him, so i had him bring in his son’s birth certificate. so i asked “did you WANT your kid’s ass kicked in preschool?” and he answers “well, they can always call him Niles”. as if that’s any better…
Pathetic, Tina. You should take a shit in his coffee.
Long time since I have visited the site, I seemed to have lost it from my favorites. Anyway, I seriously came across someone who named their kid Oceann! How’s that for RIDICULOUS???
Welcome back, Kelli.
Oceann is beyond ridiculous. You should have drowned the parents in a real ocean.
Here are a few I’ve heard recently – Abcde (Absedee), A-le (Adashlee), Cyndal, brothers Trafford and Stretford, Talis and Torin. I haven’t quite perfected the “Ohhh, I haven’t heard that name before. Where did it come from?”
You should never perfect that, Anon. These maniacs need to be told straight up how fucking stupid their kids’ names are!
Please add Skyler / Skylar to the list. Everytime I hear someone call their kid that it makes my flesh crawl and I feel a sudden need to vomit. Has to be the worst name ever.
Just saw someone on FB say they will be naming their baby Cayson. Not sure how they came up with it, but several historically bad mocking names popped into my head. Many kids get nicknames from others and either being called Cay (very girlie) or Gay son seemed the most likely of them. IMO, bad name.
Abcde (pronounced Ab-sid-ee)
I’m not even fucking kidding about this – someone that used to be in my class is named Fairy. I just only remembered that while browsing this site.
Sure, cute little girls should have cute names, but Fairy? Seriously?
Sickening, Stella. At your next family reunion, seek out Fairy’s parents and kick them in their fucking faces.
I watch children at a fitness club and I want to curse out these a-hole parents for naming their kids:
Race
Tustin
Huntington
Shy-anne
Cyndal
Cianna
I’ve heard many more
What’s worse is that the few times I have seen kids with
my name Natalie, their parents RUIN IT BY SPELLING IT WRONG ! This scenario has happened many times. I tell them that ‘Natalie’ is a good name OF COURSE the mother tries to one-up me! They get a happy look on their face as if they are proud and then inform me that their child’s name is spelled Nataly, Natalye, (the worst yet) Nytyly.
You should curse at them Natalie. Then you should tell them to come visit our site. Maybe that will humble them a bit (although most likely not — people with egos this large are generally undeterred by the truth).
Starr-Desire. I kid you not. Perfect for a career as a ‘lady of the pole’, which when you meet the child in concern appears to be something of a certainty.
It’s sort of a chicken and egg question, isn’t it? Does the name make the slut or is it just fate that her name fits her? I am betting the former…for the most part.
PatXi
Saw this on a name tag in Boston.
I think I had the worst possible “creative spellings” in my class the past two years:
Christeen
Teejay
Zackaree
Parcer (Parker)
Seanah (Shawna)
Seriously people!
I commend you, Frustrated Teacher. That would be enough to make me go back to college, earn a degree in something completely unrelated to education, and start a new career.
Parcer may be the worst I’ve ever seen.
Oh, my GOD.
I absolutely love this site. I entertain kids for a living, and I feel so sorry for some of them, with the stupid names they’ve been christened with. It’s really getting out of hand. I try to announce the birthday child at a party and I can’t pronounce the name, and I don’t know the sex of the child.
I also think you might get a huge kick out of two characters in a small puppet show I do on the web(scroll down a bit):
http://puppatoons.wordpress.com/gallery/cast-of-characters/mo-and-friends/
So my name is odd (im a female) But these are people that I have met and it is BAD……..
Angel Heaven
Crystal Morning, Misty Fall, and Rainy Dark…..all sisters who were named after the weather on the day the were born.
Oeana
Giganta, who i worked with years ago and was bigger than my husband who was a 300 lbs 6’4″ Linebacker
@Liz — I feel deeply for you. I couldn’t imagine having to stutter through some of the shit that you must, as I have the luxury of taking hours to research the pronunciation.
@Charlie — Those weather name are incredibly bad. What if they had been born on a hot, muggy Alabama morning. Sweaty Stank, anyone?
I think Giganta is only appropriate if the child is born in excess of 15 pounds and/or 36 inches long.
I recently found this website and love it.
I have heard some pretty bad names and here’s the most recent: President. I mean seriously, what makes people think that’s a name.
I’ve heard a LOT of bizzare names over the years — Shandalier, Unique, Jonas Say Kwan (did she mean Je Ne Se Quoi?), and even Syphilis (he pronounced it Sigh Fullus). But the strangest HAS to be (spelled like this) Shan’qua. I said “Shan-QUA”, then “SHAN-qua” when calling her out of the waiting room. She corrected me by saying (in a VERY nasty voice) “It’s Sha NEE qua!” I showed her the chart and asked, “Is this how it’s spelled?” She said it was. I said, “And you pronounce it Sha NEE qua?” She said yes. I asked “Why?” She said, with massive attitude, “There’s an APOSTROPHE in there!!” Geez, last time I checked, and apostrophe didn’t have a SOUND, you freakin’ dipshit!!!!!!!
@ Amy — Isn’t it a shame that you can’t just point to the door and tell Shan’qua, “You walk to that door and get the fuck out of here and never come back. Shame on you for pronouncing the apostrophe! SHAME ON YOU!”
These are two of the dumbest names I’ve ever heard of……..they’re real people….not made up
Justin Case
Pete Zaria
I’ve seen my share of stupid baby names over the years. including the triplet’s I went to school with: Princess, Precious, and Porticess (pronounced Porsche-ess) and their brother King.
I’ve had any number of people misspell my name over the years or people asking me why I didn’t spell my name more ‘creatively’, my personal ‘favorite’ spellings being: Katelin, Caetlyn, Caitland, and Kaitlynn, but noithing can top this version that I saw bestowed on a young girl in my local paper: Caytelynne.
I also have to present a child born to one of facebook friends: Sayloyre Alysabeth; I’m not even sure how this “name” is suppose to be pronounced. But I guess this name goes great with their other children: Remyngton Aydyn and Lawryn Mashell.
I found your site a few days ago. Been laughing my ass off since.
So today I open the newspaper to an article concerning fashion for babies.
What made it even better?
The name of one of those babies. Or rather the spelling:
Sebryna.
Using the brain cells I have left, I assumed the name is an alternate spelling of Sabrina?
Not only does this poor little girl (2 years old) have to deal with a mother obsessed with baby fashion trends, she will spend the rest of her life cursed with this freakish spelling of a pretty name.
@Caitlin — I like your name, but as you said, it’s one of the biggest offenders of being butchered. Oh — and you should immediately unfriend those awful Facebook people of whom you speak.
@Laura — Glad you like the site. We need more crusaders like you. Next time you hear a parent call out a stupid name, spit on them.
Love the site, I get pissed at some of the things people name their children, speaking of which, here are two for you, Lendel(or Lendal, not too sure) and Le’DeMario, which he claimed is French, if I stumble upon any more atrocities that are peoples names, I will be sure to pass them along
Thanks, Matt.
Le’DeMario is not French. It’s shit. You can’t make a legitimate name if you have to stop talking twice while saying it. Le’Mario or DeMario would have been sufficient (although still not the greatest of names).
I had a music teacher whos maiden name was “Wall”. She was “Victoria Wall” and for some reason, even though they gave her a real name, they decided to name her brother “Brick”. Yep, he’s “Brick Wall”
Way to go them….
There are a pair of sisters at my high school that were named Heaven-Lee and Cherish-Faithe. Then there were some kids that my history teacher and I were talking about with the names of Female (pronounced Fe-Ma-Lay) Sifalis (syfilis) and Clamidia.
Glad I found this site. I was beginning to think that I was the only one that thought half of these names where stupid.
The poor little fucks!
Ran across another shitty name for you, Truly, as in, we truly did not consider how fucking awful it would be to name our child this
I know a girl name Teleathea– tell-ee-thuh. *sigh
Well the people that name there kids stupid names have serious problems, but then there’s just stupid names in general. I have noticed this alot lately with younger people. What the hell happened to classic names like Tim, Jim, Bill, Jack, Sean, Matt, Mike?… Instead there are many stupid other names. like hunter. thats a stupid name lol. Cole is a stupid name. Dakota is another stupid name.
the singer from my chemical romance named his baby girl bandit. BANDIT.
First things first: My parents are NOT to blame for the spelling of my name, I did it to myself in 6th grade, in the early 70s. It’s a shortening of Juliann. I decided that if there was no “e” in my real name, why have one in my nickname?
Now. Over the years I’ve worked in various office situations which included filing or data entry involving people’s names. One that I saw in a hospital’s files in 1985 was “Sheeyit”. The kid was 5 at that time. Judging by his parent’s names, I’m guessing she was pregnant when they immigrated, and they decided to name their kid the first English word they heard. It is possible that is a perfectly normal name in their home culture, but if so, someone needed to have explained the ramifications of the name in the US.
Good God, Juli. That is one of the worst of the worst. They should be deported for the sole reason that deportation may save their child’s life.
Hi, just found your site after having one of mine and my wife’s favorite over-coffee bitchfests about….you guessed it, stupid-shit baby names.
We have our share of Dallys’s and Cadens in the family, and still can’t fuckin believe it. We even have one named after cheese – Colby. None of these poor little monsters belong to us, and we would never do THAT to our kids, if we had any. Oh, and WHAT THE FUCK is up with the letter “y” anyway? It’s not that cool people.
Anyhoo…. here’s a couple that we’ve seen and heard lately – Addysyn, Kaytelyn, Senquarius, and, of course, Maddasin. This last one is possibly the stupidest spelling of said name I have ever seen.
I feel it necessary to insert an addendum to previous post here, as I have clearly been giving the topic of Stupid Kid Names A HELL OF A LOT OF THOUGHT lately…
It occurred to me that my position on what exactly constitutes a stupid-as-hell name needed some refinement. I know many, many people would challenge my beliefs about stupid names, so I needed a defensible and nuanced structure to said beliefs. So here goes:
1. If you want to name your baby boy Dallas or Houston, that’s acceptable enough. But if you name your baby girl Dallys or Houstyn, you should have to go to prison for child abuse. In other words, the name should be gender specific, and be spelled properly.
2. It is perfectly acceptable to use foreign names for your kid, as long as the first name and last name are of mutual origin, and also if you are only one or two generations removed from the “mother country”. In other words, if your last name is Schroeder, and you were born in Germany, then by all means, name your son Zeigfreid if you want. But if you are a third generation trailer-park dweller with the last name of Johnson, don’t name your daughter Anistasia. And definitely not Anystasya.
3. History is littered with bad names. Ulysses S. Grant, Lyndon Johnson, etc. It’s hard to argue that you can’t name your kid Lyndon if you happen to be a fan of said President. But if Ulysses is ok, then so is Pericles, Aristophanes, or Feces. Why stop there? How about Roman? Name your kid Caligula, or Commodus, or Maximus. In the case of historical figures, common sense should reign. Alexander is good, but not Hercules.
I close by one simple rule…. you just KNOW a bad name when you hear it, or, in the case of modern names, see it spelled. Bad is bad, and it jumps out at you. Period.
You’re good people, Cale. Good people, indeed.
I LOVE THIS SITE!
I love hollywood stars that name their kid something just awful…like Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple. Apple? Really? Do you WANT her to be immortally teased? And Jessica Alba’s daughter Honor… honestly. And don’t even get me STARTED on Angelina Jolie. Ugh.
But in my old home town they had regular names, but just awful pairings. Like Mike Hunt (say it out loud, you’ll get it), Will See, and Charlie Vassholez. Oh, and there was seriously a Ben Dover. No joke. What is the world coming to?!
Oh, I forgot the best one…. I went to a summer camp with a girl who’s full name was Roxy Universe Stargazer. I bet her parents were high as a kite….
Are you sure that was summer camp and not Woodstock?
hey all, your site is awesome, love all the comments and your opinions are right on the money- I met a lady at the park with 2 boys- Griffin( a bird or dragon) and Talon ( a claw?)- obsessed with medieval era or Harry Potter? But Talon seems to be catching on- there is another one at my sons kindy too- HMMMMM.
Yes, Sandy – I’ve seen Talon on more than one occasion. I hope that the little Talons of the world all actually grow their own, real talons, and gouge their parents eyes out with them.
Im wondering what you think about my name cause i know its fucking weird…. and yes i am mexican with a jewish name
It sucks.
Don’t fret over it, though – it’s not your fault. But naming a kid Israel – regardless of nationality – is just as absurd as naming him Palestine.
You should immediately go tell your parents you hate them.
Here’s one …. Timber. Yes, as in tttttiiiiiiiiimmmmmmbbbbbbbbeeeeeeerrrrrr — look out asshole, here comes a tree Timber. If her stupid ass parents fall in the forest, and nobody is around to hear them, should someone smack her parents upside their dumb heads for giving their kid this stupid name???
Please look at this site: http://www.castleviewhospital.net/webbabies/index.php
It will give you fodder for weeks. Unfortunately, they’ve recently removed the archives, eliminating your ability to see photos of Getman, Jaquessynn, Jaxsyn, and a slew of Kambry/Cambrie/Caymbriee/Kaymbriee (seems that they are churning out a whole lot of future strippers), but you still have Bryken, Macyn and Decklyn to amuse you.
Excellent detective work, Mo. Thanks!
Suw
Yes, this was the name given on the card of a particularly nasty government official. We partly got our own back by ringing her office and asking to speak to S U W. Who? SUW etc etc oh you mean Sue, no S U W ……..
I have one for you, my sisters friend’s name is Niamh.
Turns out it is pronounced Nieve, and is of Irish origin… because Gaelic is so widely spoken in this country, I am sure that people will never made the same mistake I did and attempt to call her Ni-am-h or Ni-arm.
Wow. Fucking W-O-W! The sad thing is, it’s pronounced like “Nieve” – but I have no idea how to pronounce that either! Nee-ev-uh? Nee-ev? Naive? Nye-vuh?
I would, without exception, call her Ni-am-uh. If she tried to correct me, I would tell her to go correct her shit bag parents. instead.
Dude…great site! It’s about time someone took true action to at least attempt to protest the ongoing plague of shit names in this fucking country. Any person who would name their kid “Sincere” no matter how they spell it, should be sodomized by gorillas.
I know a girl who named her daughter Symphony Rain.
Gorilla sodomization? I totally agree, James.
I could never work in the healthcare industry. I’d be tempted to immediately anesthetize and sterilize anyone who squeezed out a kid and named it one of these horrendous names. Someone obviously pissed in their gene pool and they need to be stopped from procreating again! Oh the humanity!
I met a Twicrap fan who was going name her daughter
Bella Edwina Jacoba (said “Shak-cob-beana”) Victorya Stephanie Meyer Cullen Volturi ReNey Rosaly Alyce Lee-A (said Leah) Charlie Carlyle Washington Esme Jaspa Emett Sunderland.
I also am sick of the name Embry, it reminds me of sexual education back when I was at school.
My ex’s friend named her kid Trinity. I said that will be a great stripper name.
My cousins names are (All from the same parents) Cayhdehn, Neveiah, and Maihyiah.
Beautiful… Yes?
No. Definitely not.
Holy shit, Michael! That may be the worst trio of names I have ever seen in one brood! I would fucking shoot myself right at the Christmas dinner table, leaving behind a note explaining that the exact reason for doing so was the names of those kids.
My mom had a friend in high school…last name was Spivey. She named her kid Sundance. Enough said.
I’m back…I totally keep forgetting about this! I cam across another ridiculous one, Skyli. Yep, for real!
Skyli!?!!? Holy shit!
I know a girl named “Xochilth.” It’s pronounced Xo-chill.
SMH…
These are some awful names. I remember I went to elementary school with a set of siblings named Fashion and Famous. Famous was a guy. Fashion wasn’t fashionable and I doubt Famous will ever be famous.
I too have been sadled with a stupid spelling of a normal name.
Saw this one in the local paper about a lady at the races-name was Praline. Fuck I laughed when I read that!
I bet she’s delicious with Pecans!
Sorry you have to go through life with that name, Leesa. You’re living proof that I am right to call these people out.
Hi there,a coworker has a son named Cohen(big brother to Brannan)Cohen sounds like a grumpy,old Jewish man last name!Wait,it already is!Too bad,when you have a normal last name,and you name your kid a horrible last name for a first name,thats fucked up!
Good Christ. Cohen is awful – but I think Brannan may even be worse. At least when I type Cohen, I don’t get an annoying red squiggly line under it – like I do when I type Brannan – as my spell check seethes with anger at that concocted word.
Best one I’ve heard. Gabe Horne, just say it out loud. Also very sad, Shi-thead, some foreign man a friend once worked with.
I have a friend of a friend who named their boy Aslan. Why. Seriously WHY?
A Facebook friend of mine named her kid “Addison Lexus”. Now all we have to do is wait for Lexus to bring out a car called “Addison” and people will make even more fun of the poor little one.
The full spelling of my first name is Jacqueline, a classic French name, also the name of a beloved first lady and my grandmother. I once had a tele-marketer call and ask for Ja-KAY-lyn. I took me a minute to figure out he was butchering my name. What has the world come to? I work at an elementary school and the worst name yet has to be Tiauannah (pronounces Tee-AHN-ah), but always mispronounced by substitute teachers as Tijuana (Mexico).
I read an article about child pageants in an old magazine the other day and all the kids had stupid,cutesy names like:
Princess
Angel
Beauty
Dazzle
Eden
Neaveh
and every single one of them was dressed as a mini striper
It’s disgusting, huh? It’s like these people think they’re giving birth to dolls or hood ornaments, and not live, human children with feelings and futures.
I taught a Kodi today and didn’t even blink an eye. (Honestly, the kid is going to have to spell it for the rest of his life.)
Worst I’ve come across:
Kaius
Tiger
Brazen
Avarice
Jaguar
Venger
Harry Kuntz
Nathan (as a girl’s name)
That’s quite an impressive list, Sauron. What the fuck is a Venger!?!? What does one of those look like?
I believe Venger was the villian from the old DnD cartoon.
My name (Madeline) is mispelled a lot of the time because people expect it to be spelt somthing like “Madilyn” or “Maddy-Lynne” it gets SO annoying.
Madeline is a fine name – very pretty. Those other things are merely abortions of a fine name.
Worst names of kids my son has gone to school with: Tank (not a nickname) and Sir Kingston.
Most ironic stupid name I have seen: Princess (a convicted attempted murderess)
Worst misspelling of a perfectly good name: Serra (her parents had the decency to spell it Sarah, but the girl herself changed the spelling; hopefully it was just an adolescent affectation she has since outgrown)
I work at a manufacturing facility in the south. Two weeks ago a new trainee came into my office. Wrote his name down — JAVIOUS. When I pronounced it – Jay-V-ous. He corrected me saying it was pronounced Ja-Vay-Vee-Ous. I mentioned that there’s not an extra “v” in the spelling. He concurred and said there’s not an extra “a” in there either. Stupid way to pronounce it, but I have to give the guy credit for agreeing that the spelling didn’t match the pronunciation. My inital thought when I see stupid names, is to blame the person. But, to your point, it’s the parent’s fault. Why oh why do they do it???
I don’t know Scott, I just don’t know. And at some point, when the child becomes an adult, you have to start shifting the blame. Not necessarily for a poorly spelled name – but to KNOW you’re pronouncing something wrong and to do it anyway? Especially your own name?!? Ridiculous.
My roommate works in Labour and Delivery and delivered this gem: Duramax.
Also, when Chinese immigrants choose their names I have gotten to know:
Roman
Purple (Roman’s wife)
Lettice
Evon (pronounced Yvonne)
Basil (my cousin)
Bertram
I mean, I’m just glad my parents came up with Priscilla. I consider myself lucky.
I recently found out I work with a guy named Sky. While I am pretty easy going when it comes to non conventional names this one kinda made me chuckle.
I do hate the common every day names like Mike, Jim and shit like that. Parents are just being sheep in my eyes, mix it up a bit but dont get crazy.
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