by Lemonjello Redenbacher on October 9, 2009

I heard about this one.  Mom and Dad were Trekkies, and Riker is apparently some character on that nerd fest.

Good God, what a disaster of a childhood this poor bastard’s going to have.  He’d better be wearing a suit of armor every time proudly announces that he’s named after “Starfleet Captain Ricker of the U.S.S. Enterprise!”

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Kimarie October 21, 2009 at 6:24 pm

I saw your posts on the parents.com baby names board a while back and wondered when you were going to make fun of my son’s name! It’s been a while since I posted so I’m wondering which post you saw this on. Anyway, he’s three and so far has suffered no ill effects of our nerdiness. And you forgot to mention the worst association with that name, some people refer to him as Number Two. Also, he wasn’t a Captain on The Next Generation, he was Commander Riker (that’s uptight Star Trek nerd humor, fyi). I’ve posted my name on that board before too and I didn’t see it in your archives, so feel free to add Kimarie (I guess my parents thought I was Precious and Special and needed a name no one else had- my mom saw it in Reader’s Digest spelled Kimmarie and she took an ‘m’ out, so double whammy on the bad baby naming (unique, changed spelling). Oh, I did see Archer on here and just so you know, if I have another boy I will be naming him that for Captain Archer from the Start Trek: Enterprise. Didn’t really get into that series but we were fans of Quantum Leap (and therefore Scott Bakula), too.


Lemonjello Redenbacher October 22, 2009 at 6:36 am

“he’s three and so far has suffered no ill effects of our nerdiness”

Well, no shit. Wait until he gets into school.

And thanks for your permission to add Kimarie. I guess I don’t need to now. It’s obvious that the ridiculous name your parents gave you has SEVERELY damaged you from your comments above. That, and the fact that you went nerd on your own kid.

Let’s all hope that you don’t have that other boy…


Kimarie October 22, 2009 at 11:33 am

Thanks! I’m hoping for a girl too. I’m going to name her Arwen. And the school my older son goes to has some of the most unusual names I have ever seen. Quinterous, Anaya, Tanaya, Nasim, Ascension (I think they left the c out of that one, though). My little Ryker is going to seem like an average Joe to them.


Lemonjello Redenbacher October 22, 2009 at 11:36 am

No…he’s not.

I’m surprised you’re not hoping for a Klingon or an android or some shit.

The government should sterilize you.


Kimarie October 22, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Right, the government should sterilize nerds. Good idea. Because bringing down the average IQ of the population to your level should be a top priority.


Lemonjello Redenbacher October 22, 2009 at 2:06 pm

You would think someone with such a high I.Q. could fucking read. Apparently, you cannot.

I said the government should sterilize YOU — not all nerds. I’m fine with nerds who don’t fuck their kids up because they can’t separate a fucking fictional T.V. show from reality.


Kimarie October 23, 2009 at 1:08 pm

I took “you” to mean “you people”, as you seem to have something against “nerds” (something from your past, maybe? Let it all out…). But really you’re right, I can’t tell you the number of studies that have shown that a child named Charles or Michael will never have a fucked up life.


Lemonjello Redenbacher October 23, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Once again, your stupidity has gotten in the way of the facts. I never said that kids with normal names will not have a fucked up life. Never. Anywhere. Ever. Not even close. I understand you have a blurred sense of what is real and fake, but the reality is that I didn’t say it, and I don’t believe it.

But they damn sure have one less thing to worry about from day 1 when they aren’t named after a fucking space creature that Mommy had a crush on.


Kimarie October 24, 2009 at 5:08 pm

I should let this go, but someone on the internet is wrong and I have a nerdy belief that I can make him see reason. I know part of the reason you keep this blog is because you’re an asshole. But there may be another part of you that really feels concern for the welfare of children with unusual names. I don’t disagree with you, a lot of the names on here are pretty messed up. A lot of the names are going to be made fun of. But some of the names just aren’t stupid. You have every right to call them stupid on your blog (not much else going on to fill it up with, I guess), but the truth is there is nothing wrong with some of these names other than you don’t like them. I was never made fun of for my name. Maybe you were and you want to warn others to avoid the same fate. Great. Continue on. I only posted here because you were stalking the parents.com baby names board and referred to me specifically. Carry on.


Lemonjello Redenbacher October 25, 2009 at 7:34 am

I don’t need your fucking explanations or your fucking permission. You are exactly the kind of person that I wanted to “out” when I made this blog. The kind of person that says, “A lot of these names are messed up,” and then goes out and names her kids after FUCKING ALIENS!

And the reason you posted here is that you thought you were going to somehow rationally defend naming your kids after space creatures. Valiant effort, but you fell way short. Get used to it — you’ll be failing at defending it for years to come.


Eva February 28, 2010 at 7:03 pm

Ok I’m begging you to please add the name “Ryder” to your list. I’m FUCKING TIRED of people making their wimpy kids suffer with this name. It’s pointless and worthless.


Shea December 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Isn’t Ryker a name of a prison in New York? Little Ryker will get made fun of just like I did when I was little; Kimarie is a dumb name too.


Jeremy January 16, 2013 at 11:35 pm

Ken Ryker is the name of a gay porn star with an enormous cock. If I met someone name Ryker I this would immediately spring to mind… And then the endless wondering if he matched up at all.


Bill April 18, 2013 at 10:59 pm

“Isn’t Ryker a name of a prison in New York? Little Ryker will get made fun of just like I did when I was little; Kimarie is a dumb name too.”

Says someone with the same name as a stadium.

Jeremy – watch gay porn a lot do you?



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