by Lemonjello Redenbacher on July 22, 2009

I avoided this one for a while, thinking it was a couple of bad apples and not wanting them to spoil the whole damn bunch — but now I have seen it at least 5 times, so it’s an epidemic in the making.

Apparently this is a biblical name, Asher being the son of Heeb or Jobe or Damacles or some shit.  Look — just because a name is in the Bible, that doesn’t make it fair game.  How many kids do you hear with the name Dagon, Vashti or God — all names in the Bible?  None — that’s how many, because they all suck.

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Kelli July 23, 2009 at 8:34 am

I think it’s CUTE. You generally hear it as a sur name, but personally I see nothing wrong with the name. I like Biblical names & names with meaning. I’d hardly call something that comes from the Word of God, “shit”. Brave woman you are. And how do you really know that no one has named a child Dagon? Vashti? or even God? Are you the queen of the database of every name used in the world??? Doubtful!


Lemonjello Redenbacher July 23, 2009 at 8:37 am

First of all — I’m not a fucking woman. Pull your head out of your ass — that should be obvious.

Secondly, I am not “brave” for calling the word of God shit. I did it yesterday (and many days before that) and guess what? No lightning. Not even an ominous cloud or a static shock. Hmmm….maybe ol’ God is busy planning a big smiting on you idiots that name your kids shitty names.


Kelli July 23, 2009 at 6:33 pm

I’m pretty sure God and I are on the same team. And how would you know what I name my children? Male/Female…whatever you are, I guess from now on we should refer to you as “TROLL”.


Lemonjello Redenbacher July 23, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Everyone knows that God plays for the Packers. What position do you play for the Yellow & Green Machine?

Troll it is. Or do I have to do that in all caps every time? Jeesh. I sure hope not…


Mitchell October 5, 2009 at 9:19 pm

Actually, there was a college basketball player in the last 10-15 years named “God Shamgod.” I can’t remember for what team he played, but I read about him in Sports Illustrated.


Mitchell October 5, 2009 at 9:23 pm

Oh, when my wife and I were picking a name for our son (then fetus), I jokingly was coming up with famous documents. Federalist Papers. Magna Carta. Constitution. William OfRights (call him Bill). We named him James, because it’s easy, it’s a family name, it’s a biblical name, and it’s frickin’ normal.


Lemonjello Redenbacher October 6, 2009 at 6:27 am

Yes, Mitchell — I remember God Shamgod. He played for Providence and even had a short stint in the NBA. But even he had nothing on the NCAA basketball playing brothers Majestic and Scientific Mapp (yes, those are their real names).


night February 11, 2010 at 1:18 am

My twin brothers name is Asher and he hates it and my name is night and i hate it oh and im a girl by the way.


Anonymous February 17, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Asher is a kike name.


Yurik Hunt May 8, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Nimrod, Goliath, Cain, Pontius Pilate and Judas are also names from bible and nobody names their kids these for good reason.

If you’re going to go with a biblical name make it something good and strong like Micheal or David. Spare your kid the humiliation of some random name just because its in the bible.


Tonya August 31, 2010 at 4:05 pm

wow!! u really r a winner! its amazing u have time to sit on your ass and talk about what people name their children! i have a son named Asher and a son named August! i love the names and really u couldnt say anything that would ever make me think diffrent!


Lemonjello Redenbacher August 31, 2010 at 4:14 pm

And here we have another selfish parent in Tonya. Not only did she name a son Asher and a son August, ensuring ridicule on the playground — she is also of the self-centered variety who only gave a shit that I was bashing HER son’s name. You don’t see Tonya posting on any of these other names about how awful I am. Only on her own son’s.

Typical egotistical bullshit that I see all the time on here.


Guy with a normal name. January 18, 2011 at 5:26 am

Lemonjello, you, sir, are a legend. Keep telling ‘em how it is! Pretentious twats!


Lemonjello Redenbacher January 18, 2011 at 6:37 am



Captain Obvious February 23, 2012 at 12:37 am

If they don’t like the way things are told on this site, then fuck ‘em.


Zach March 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

There is an elementary school near where I leave called Asher Holmes.

I’d classify it as an old-timey name…


SarahSpeed May 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

LemonJello, While I appreciate your points on names, most of which are ridiculous names and did make me laugh, what I have a problem with is is your disrespect for other people’s religions. You can think what you want, but I’d really rather you didn’t get mad at people for their beliefs. Thanks.


Lemonjello Redenbacher May 28, 2012 at 6:11 am

And I’d rather people didn’t knock on my fucking door at 8 am on a Saturday to push their religion on me, but it happens. At least I do it on my OWN site. I don’t come to your site and tell you religion is stupid, but I certainly will continue to do so on mine (because it is). In short – your presence here is voluntary.


Anonymous January 2, 2015 at 10:37 am

Wow. Just… wow.


Anonymous January 2, 2015 at 10:38 am

PhD… good one.


Anonymous December 3, 2013 at 10:02 pm

Asher is now on the top 100 names.


ASHER April 20, 2015 at 8:29 am

My name is Asher and you have hurt my feelings


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