by Lemonjello Redenbacher on July 7, 2009

I admit — Ramses is a pretty strong sounding name.  Ramses was a leader — a great Egyptian Pharoah who is known for being strong yet sound.  He was also known for settling differences with diplomacy rather than war, by entering into the first ever peace treaty.

Oh yeah — and Ramses is also known for being the name of a FUCKING BRAND OF CONDOMS!  Jesus…I can think of few names that would do more damage to a kid than this one.  Maybe Trojan.  Possibly Jimmy Hat.  Probably Dick Wrapper.  But my point is, the list is very short.

I know, I know — but Mom & Dad named his after the great man, not the dong sheath.  Do you think Mikey Williams in Ramses’ 6th grade class gives a fuck how or why he got his name?  Hell no!  When the other kids figure out that there’s a brand of condoms called Ramses, little darling here will be known as  “Cock Sock” for the rest of his school days — which may be shorter than most if he can’t take the abuse and drops out.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephanie August 28, 2009 at 6:38 pm

My husband and I are one of those pretentious couples who have picked fucked up names for their own kids but I agree that Ramses is a very unfortunate choice of name for the association alone. Thanks for the laugh (oh and feel free to skewer our kids names on this site if you like, Rhys, Niamh and Isla….in spite of the fact that I realize we are the sort of people you love to hate I find your site very amusing and will continue reading).


Lemonjello Redenbacher August 28, 2009 at 7:59 pm

Well, I appreciate your patronage, Stephanie. We welcome haters and lovers alike.

That being said, 2 of your kids names are basically unpronounceable (if that’s even a word — you may want to use it as a name for your next kid if it’s not). The 3rd, Isla, is equally ridiculous. What is that — Spanish for island or something? Great, your kid is a chunk of land surrounded by water. Classy!


Stephanie August 28, 2009 at 10:16 pm

Well you can blame the Welsh, Irish and Scottish respectively. We didn’t make up their names they did (we did however choose to use them so you may rail against us for that). Yes perhaps basically unpronounceable using English grammar rules but given that they are none of them English I suppose that doesn’t make much difference. We chose not to spell them phonetically just to make it easier for folks because I think that is stupid. For the record they are pronounced reese, neev and eye-la. We also didn’t choose the pronunciations you can blame the countries of origin for that too (I still like them but realize we may be in the minority…luckily they have family middle names which blend well so if they hate them so much they feel the need to change them we have given them an option that is completely white bread and so I am sure would meet with your approval (Christopher, Anne and Isobel…don’t blame us for that spelling either the name was originally my husband’s grandmother and since she is Scottish her parents used the common Scottish spelling).

I think most kids hate their names for most or part of their lives anyway…I certainly did and my name was in the top 10 for nearly 20 years…I will be eternally thankful to my parents for not naming me Stephenie or Stepfanie however


Lemonjello Redenbacher August 29, 2009 at 6:43 am

What the fuck? That response reads like the bastard child of Rain Man and Noah Webster.

From what I can gather (after using my handy, dandy Run-On-Sentence Decoder Ring), you named your American kids — who live in America — names that are not pronounceable by the Americans that they come in contact with on a daily basis? And then, knowing that they would hate those names, you threw some good old fashioned American names in the middle? Does that about sum up the nominal potpourri you’ve created for your children?

Fuck it — why stop there? You should have just named them a random series of clicks, grunts and whizzes. It wouldn’t have been that much of a stretch. I’m sure that as it is, calling them for dinner is like reading roll call on the set of The God’s Must Be Crazy.

I agree that common, boring names can sometimes make kids want something more “exciting.” But being a little bored with your name is better than fielding insults and digs about your name throughout your early years.

Me? I’d rather my parents name me something more on the common side, than have to sound like a deaf man trying to scat every time someone asks my name.


Stephanie August 29, 2009 at 7:22 am

Not American but other than that I’ll accept your criticism…not anything I haven’t heard before and doubtless I will hear it again (well unless we move to Scotland in the near future where all three names are in the top 50 and therefore one would assume more mundane and recognizable).

Sorry for the run on sentences. It was late and I do have a tendency to blather on at night.


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