Howard

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on July 6, 2009

Why would I fuck with this name?  It’s about as standard and classic as an American first name gets — for a boy.  But I am talking about a girl named Howard.  Howard Allen, in fact.

Luckily for her, she had a lot more smarts than most kids, and on the first day of school she told her teacher that her name was Anne.  Later on she got married, and the transition was complete — from  Howard Allen O’Brien to Anne Rice.  Yes, the best-selling author Anne Rice started out as Howard Allen O’Brien.  She said her Mom wanted to name her after her father, and she thought it was unique.  And now, you know…the rest of the story…

She came through it okay, so this proves that you CAN name your kid something fucked up and he or she can still excel, right?  Wrong.  You see, not only is she much smarter than your future child (she has sold over 100 million books and is one of the best-selling authors of all-time), don’t forget she sold every one of them with a different name.  She spit in her parents face as soon as she had the chance.

So the moral of the story is that your shittily named kid will either be taunted and tormented for what you have done, or will be smart enough to change his or her stupid name before the damage is done.  Either way, you are the idiot in the end.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Jenijen July 31, 2011 at 1:23 am

A friend pointed this site out to me today, and I just HAD to skip to the list to see if you had this. *thumbs up* *sort of*

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