Valin

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on June 24, 2009

Ho-ly shit.  Fucking Valin.  This name is so bizarre and “out there” that I have to assume that this is some character from Star Wars, Star Trek or The Matrix.  Please, someone tell me that’s the case and the parents didn’t just pull this out of thin air?

Not that it would necessarily be any better if it were from a movie.  Naming your kid after a Klingon is equally sinful to naming him or her like these people probably did —  by eating a bowl of Alphabet soup, taking a shit and randomly putting together the letters that survived your stomach acid.

As I often do, I looked this one up to see what the meaning behind it could have been.  Believe it or not, I actually found one — and it’s pure fucking gold.  You see, Mommy and Daddy, you named your son something that you thought was bold and original, but it turns out that Valin means “Monkey King” in Hindu.   Monkey. Fucking. King.

I bet you $100 this is news to these parents.  No way someone knows that shit and still names their kid Valin.  So…SURPRISE!  Hope you can swallow that lump in your throat,  pretend you knew it all along and somehow keep a straight face when you tell everyone that it’s really honorable in India to be the king of the apes.

Hey Valin, do us all a favor, will ya?  Take a shit in your claw and fling it at your folks.  They deserve it.

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Wa-Ta-Mel Angelou June 24, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Monkey King?

Honest to god, the first thing that popped in my little brain when I read the word “Valin” was – “Is that how they treat syphilis in Mexico?”

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Brittany August 4, 2009 at 12:07 am

Wow i can’t believe how fucking closed minded you are! You actually think there is no one out there who names their kid VALIN and doesn’t know the meaning? I’m here to prove you wrong. My husbands nickname is Monkey so guess what our sons name is Valin! Hahaha. We named him that for the meaning…your fucking dumb. And being “out there” is cool. Being “out there” is imaginative and intelligent. If you had to name someone you’d be boring and probably pick something like John or Jane. The simplest shit for the simple minded. Stick to making sites like these buddy you’ll get far in life by insulting people. And yes no doubt your entitled to your own opinion, but my opinion is you suck. Whats your real name anyway?

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Anonymous April 2, 2016 at 10:29 am

Right on! I love the name Valin

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Brittany August 4, 2009 at 12:08 am

Oh and I believe you owe me 100 dollars!!!

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Lemonjello Redenbacher August 4, 2009 at 6:38 am

Classic. I love it when someone tells me I’m dumb by saying, “your fucking dumb.” Go to school and pay attention for once, instead of daydreaming about fucking monkeys, and you would learn that it’s “you’re.” Like this, “Hey Brittany, you’re fucking dumb!”

But I guess I didn’t need to point that out, since you just told the world that you picked your kid’s name because of some shit-flinging zoo animal that your husband is nicknamed after.

As for the $100, I would gladly put it down on your child’s first hour of therapy. Of course, you probably won’t even notice that he needs it, since you will be spending all of your time dreaming up jazzy names instead of paying attention to him.

And my real name is Valin, but my nickname is Asshole — so I named my son Prostate.

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Girl December 3, 2009 at 12:38 pm

My sons name is Valin, and I have received many compliments on it. Most people love that it is original and unique. We also knew what the name meant when we decided on it. Did you bother to do anything other than just look up “monkey king”? Did you bother to see why it means that, or what the myth and legend is behind it?

Despite what you say, I have no regrets. I’m glad to send someone out into the world that isn’t Alex, Steven, John or Mike. In actual fact I don’t really understand what the point of your posts are exactly. What does it matter to you personally what someone names their children, or what they are called?

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Lemonjello Redenbacher December 3, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Well, “Girl” (Not surprising, as no real “Woman” would be so naive), first of all, most of your so called friends aren’t going to come out and tell you that your kid has a shitty name. That’s what I’m here for. Trust me — “most” people do not love it. They just tell you they do. If “most” people loved this “name,” some of them would use this name and it would actually appear somewhere — fucking ANYWHERE — on the Social Security Administration names registry. It does not. The reason? It’s fucking stupid to name your kid something that means monkey king — in fucking Sanskrit.

Secondly, I did not look up “monkey king”, I looked up Valin. I, like most reasonable people, generally look up the word itself to find a definition, rather than going through the arduous task of GUESSING the definition of a word, typing that guess into my computer and hoping to come up with the original word with which I was presented. Seems easier to me to Google “Valin.”

And when I did Google Valin, yes…I found the ridiculous and fabricated story of some non-existent religious, Hindu “whatever” named Rama, who killed some non-existent king of monkeys named Valin, and Rama’s banishment of the non-existent (but apparently innocent) Sita . I just figured I was piling on enough only mentioning the monkey king part, but whatever.

I am not surprised you have no regrets. People who only think of themselves rarely do when it comes to what others have to endure. But your son does, or will someday, have regrets about his name. And that, Girl, is the reason for my posts.

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Anonymous October 3, 2014 at 4:33 pm

HA..your hate and negativity is so refreshing. a constant reminder of what not to become..so self-absorbent and out spoken. not realizing you expose fundamental character flaws.you seek entertainment from from puny hate-filled internet posts about baby names…ha.. can you be anymore disappointing to your own parents?

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Lemonjello Redenbacher October 4, 2014 at 7:15 am

Hi Valin’s Mom – thanks for stopping by!

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Girl January 2, 2010 at 10:54 am

What would you know about most people? Are you everyone in the whole world and the authority and respresentative on the human race? I should hope not or the planet is doomed to be moronic forever. In regards to “most people” being my friends. If I was discussing my friends I would have said as much, but I did not. Furthermore, my FRIENDS would have had no issue with telling me it was stupid if that is what they thought. I do not expect everyone to like my choice, just as I don’t like names like Michael, David, Chris, Jacob etc. However, unlike yourself, I don’t feel the need to be negative about it.

I don’t have to justify my choices to a lonely blogger who has nothing better to do than try to make himself feel special by insulting others. Do you not have friends that you can spend time with, rather than a stack of baby name books? Ironic that you would choose to attempt insulting me by centering in on the name “girl” when you are called Lemonjello.

At any rate, I won’t be back here because after having read over your pathetic little posts I see that you are essentially the embodiment of the reason this world is in the shithole state it is in.

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Lemonjello Redenbacher January 2, 2010 at 12:05 pm

What do I know about most people? Well, I know that popularity is a measurement of what most people like. Valin doesn’t appear on any name registry as a popular name. Therefore, most people are not fond of it. Fucking Christ — use your head. Even your little “monkey king” can figure that shit out.

And apparently you DO feel you have to justify your choices to this “lonely blogger.” I didn’t knock on your door and tell you to rationalize your bullshit. You came to my site…remember?

Yawn…I was going to go on and on about your fragmented sentences and illogical arguments, but I just realized I’m bored with you. Trying to convince you how ridiculous your points are would be like trying stop a retarded kid from fucking a bowling ball. It’ll never happen and it’d just be a waste of everyone’s time to try to make it happen.

Later, cunt!

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Brienne November 25, 2010 at 8:47 am

Valin sounds like Valium, which is what he’s going to need in his adult years to cope with all the trauma.

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Captain Obvious February 26, 2012 at 11:57 am

Valin is also a character from Star Wars, so good luck not being made fun of by Star Wars fans, kid.

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Anonymous July 7, 2013 at 9:53 pm

YOUR NAME IS SHIT

Ha ha Lemonjello Redenbacher WTF !!! Get off the couch get off welfare benifits stop eating jelly and shut the fuck up

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Lemonjello Redenbacher July 8, 2013 at 11:09 am

I’m not sure if I should be offended or amused. What do you have against jelly?

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Hyena of Ice September 28, 2014 at 10:38 pm

“At any rate, I won’t be back here because after having read over your pathetic little posts I see that you are essentially the embodiment of the reason this world is in the shithole state it is in.”

Oh, yes, Lemonjello is the embodiment of police brutality, self-serving politicians, crooked businessmen, nespotism, anti-intellectual idiots who think they know better than the actual psychologists/climatologists/doctors/engineers, dictators, and genocide. Extra points if you know which idiots I’m referring to with each of those sciences I brought up! (hint: engineers is a reference to Truthers)

BTW, Valium was also my first thought about this name.

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DANIEL April 19, 2015 at 3:11 pm

hey asshole, it’s Valin’s Dad here.. you’re a loser.
I would call myself “little monkey”, graduated to “monkey times” (don’t know why or how…), then, just graduated to “times”. But it’s root was “monkey”. MONKEY TIMES!! The ability, willingess, and excitement to do random and exciting things OTHERS most likely will not do. … to NOT be ‘labeled’ with anything as far as “normal” is looked at, viewed, and interpreted.
I am not here to insult you, correct you, or imply anything you don’t already know. But if you name your kid after something that MEANS SOMETHING (for a reason…), then it is better than just naming him or her something for the sake of NOt “being made fun of in school”.
Because eventually, the kid who grew up ‘made fun of’ for his name, eventually will not need “therapy”. For it is those that DO NOT KNOW ‘adversity’ who are most likely to need it in this life.
For “having a name” your child is not responsible for… just IS, is VERY easy to come to understand “shallowness”, brainlessness, and stupidity in people that surround them. It narrows things down for them. For if you do not know “HOW TO BE” (in this world…), you can very easily take the alternate route to finding out ‘the things you do not yet know’ (and may never know…), these kids will be the living embodiment of the person who knows “HOW NOT TO BE”. For example, like yourself…
YOU, my friend, are my example here.. YOU made a site about something SOo stupid, that ANYONE who comes across it, even if they have NO KIDS, or don’t even know ‘a Valin’, can see just how retarded some people (like you..) can really be.
YES people, people like this person really DO exist (clearly…). They try and sound ‘intelligent’ via ‘how they write’ and the ‘vocabulary’ they choose… ALWAYS trying to “prove they ARE smart”… bring up ‘examples’, using them in text, (doing the research first and pumping it into their site time after time to back up their useless point…), ALL just going to show EXACTLY what that person is NOT intending. That person wants to sound ‘smart’. And that “he knows something’. And by actively trying to show this, evidently shows just how NOT bright they really are. They show the very limits to what their attentions span could handle. My friends, this site is about as “great” of a thing this person will ever do in his life. He left a footprint on this world by making fun of a name.
And i got news for you yellow jellow, when you die, you will not be meeting God. You will just be in a dream that won’t end. A nightmare actually… where you simply will run into Darwin and after he smacks the back of your head with his right hand, unleashes King Kong on you with his left.
And as for me, personally I’ll be tugging at my dick the whole time watching. :)
And fyi, Valin is my son’s middle name. He took mine up front… Daniel. Look that up… so taking names literally like you do (and you will look mine up now to come back at me with some other dumb comment, i know..) I would know what I’m talking about when I speak on people’s “fate” after they fulfill their purpose on this earth.. God has judged me with the ability to be able to tell these kinds of things. ;)
So the next time you have someone call you ‘jerkoff’, just keep the image I LEFT FOR YOU deep inside your soul. SO, in doing you a favor, I left you a better legacy than the one you have set here forth… take care ok. (and lookout for bigfoot too while you’re at it… cause he’s GOT to be somewhere…).

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Lemonjello Redenbacher April 21, 2015 at 7:44 am

I fear that you are schizophrenic. Please get help.

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Eleta Pulis nee Valin February 19, 2016 at 10:21 am

Dear Sir,
Valin is a last name and usually you find it in families that want to carry the name on. My mother was Isabel Stewart Kemp. It would not be unusual to name a son Stewart or Kemp, no one would think anything of it.
Grant and Cameron both last names and both boys first names. So what is so wrong with naming your child Valin it’s a well respected French Canadian last name, see Judge Valin. I have met a few Valin’s, one in my family and one named Valin because they knew one and liked them and named their child Valin.

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Alex February 23, 2016 at 3:36 pm

What are humans but the “kings” of the apes? Please don’t tell me you have forgotten where the whole human race came from?

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Anonymous March 28, 2016 at 6:19 pm

Well I’m sorry you feel the name Valin is a fucking stupid name. I happen to like my name very much. I have always gotten compliments on it. I was born way before Star Wars and all of that shit and have no problem with the meaning. Also I am a woman. I also do not pronounce my name as you do.

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