by Lemonjello Redenbacher on June 24, 2009

I am posting this name out of necessity, more than shock.  We’ve all probably met someone named Mercedes — it’s not all that uncommon anymore.  But it would be like ignoring the elephant in the room not to call out the motherfuckers naming their kids after expensive cars and fancy brand names.

The following are not only NOT  names, they are also things that people who name their kids after them will NEVER be able to afford (Note: the following list is NOT all-inclusive.  If one of these things triggers a thought of another item in a similar category, it’s not to be used as a human’s name either.):

Mercedes, Lexus, Chanel, Gucci, Guess, Fendi, Porsha (or any spelling thereof), Bentley, Aston, Avalon, Louis Vuitton, Rolex, Cartier, Tag Heuer, Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren (although separately each name is fine for a boy and girl, respectively), Hermes, Saks, Prada, Hennessey, Cristal, Dom, Vera Wang, and/or Armani.

And just so we’re clear, the following items, although you may be able to afford them, are not baby names either (again, not an all-inclusive list — use good judgment):

Ford, Chevy, Toyota, Mercury, Chrysler, Sears, American Eagle (unless you’re Native American — then you have the green light), Mossimo, Panama Jack, Old Navy, Sam’s Choice, Old Spice, Brut, Old Crow, Ten High and/or Pabst.

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Brownjello March 21, 2010 at 6:23 am

You ever notice that usually when one of these hip couples names their child some unique name, they tend to continue that trend with the rest of their spawn! With all of these auto recalls, maybe these parents should follow suit, and recall their child’s shitty name!

What do Toyota and parents who give their kids stupid names have in common? They both don’t know when to stop!


Christy June 14, 2010 at 5:51 am

‘Portia’ was around long before the car. In my opinion, Shakespeare validates any name. Possible exceptions include ‘Caliban’, ‘Mab’ and ‘Bottom’.


Todd February 4, 2011 at 10:43 pm

“Mercedes” is actually a traditional Spanish (Catholic) name. It’s one of the many titles of the Virgin Mary.

Still not recommended for a kid who’s going to grow up in an English-speaking country, though.


Kas April 15, 2011 at 1:43 pm

“Mercedes” the car brand was named after Mercedes, the girl:


Amanda August 7, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Yeah, a Mercedes might be named after her grandmother, and not a car. It’s a common enough name, and shouldn’t be included, it’s not made up or a creative spelling.


Katie August 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Mercedes is a very nice car name, for a human, not so much (Unless your surname is Benz). What’s next? Honda Civic? Vauxhaul? Volkswagen? BMW? Ferrari? Oh, I know! Formula 1!


Kelly August 20, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Well then no one should name their child Hope, Faith or Grace either. Mercedes is a virtue name.


Lemonjello Redenbacher August 23, 2011 at 6:57 am

I’m good with that. Get rid of all of those pieces of shit.


Joey September 5, 2011 at 8:05 am

Hahaha I met someone named Hennessey. He was a jerk.


Jenny January 2, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Mercedes is as classic as the name Elizabeth in most Spanish countries, it was the name of a Queen and it’s been popular long before the car came out. If the girl is from a Spanish culture it’s a perfectly fine name, it’s only when other people use it that it’s bad.


Lemonjello Redenbacher January 2, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Nope! It sucks all the time.


MercedesLisette January 22, 2012 at 8:53 am

I don’t like this name much because of the car thing, and I can safely say that because it’s MY name. It’s pronounced MER-suh-des, but so many people go mer-SAY-deez like the car that I’ve given up corrections. And the car jokes! They’re funny for the first seven years of school. Then it gets old. Feels like since I was born I’ve had them. That’s nineteen years straight. These days I call myself Mercy.

I’m not from a Spanish culture, Jenny. Why can’t people name their kids foreign names? You need to get your facts right if you think that because of YOUR name. Assuming your full name is Jennifer, that name comes from Cornwall. By your logic, is Jennifer only OK for Cornish people to use? Please give us your verdict.

What’s the bullshit about people with weird names passing them on to their children? Being called Mercedes has taught me NOT to name my kid anything shared with a product. So I don’t intend to call my kid Toyota! (TOYOTA? Are there even kids called that?!) If I ever have a girl, she will be called Adeline, and if I ever have a boy, he will be called Marshall. Not Toyota. Not Lexus or Aston. Too tren’dee; I bet Lexus and Aston’s middle names are Addascyn and Haedn. At least Mercedes is slightly more legitimate as a given name. That said, I definitely wouldn’t wish it on a future child.

I wasn’t named after a grandmother, but a family friend’s grandmother. Meh. So there you have it. The story of Mercedes. I try to do my name justice, anyway.

(Oh, and I too wish they would get rid of the names Hope, Grace and Faith. Especially for twins. It’s not cute; it’s fucking painful.)


Mercedes February 23, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Hahahaah, this is hilarious. As you can see my name is Mercedes, but I am not named after a vehicle.

Not sure if you are aware, but Mercedes is actually a very old Spanish name, which means to be merciful, it actually dates back to Cervantes time, and comes from the word merced, or favour, i.e. mercy.

The name is definitley not exclusive to a luxury German car, and is very common in Spain. The car was named Mercedes, after the daughter of an ‘Austrian diplomat, Emil Jellinek, based in Nice, a business man running a profitable business selling cars, and a racing enthusiast, Jellinek had been racing DMG automobiles under the pseudonym Mercédès, after his daughter, Mercédès Jellinek’ (taken from Wikipedia). So, really, I find it odd, yet understandable why the name is on your list. Odd because I am Spanish and it’s a perfectly normal name in panish speaking countries, but undestandable from English speaking countries (especially the US) that are not used to the name and only seem to associate it with a car. :o)


Lemonjello Redenbacher February 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

What a delightful story!

The fact remains – I get my names from American kids in American schools. Therefore, in that situation, it’s a shitty name.


An July 6, 2015 at 11:51 pm

Don’t you have better things to do, then to upset people? FYI the car is named after the guys daughter


Lemonjello Redenbacher July 8, 2015 at 2:38 pm

Not really. But while I have your attention – don’t you have anything better to do than to visit a website that you obviously hate, only to make comments that you know damn well will fall on deaf ears?


Mercedes October 22, 2015 at 4:36 am

My name too is Mercedes and I find this post utterly ignorant and disrespectful. As many have stated, Mercedes is a traditional Spanish girl’s name and incredibly common in most Spanish speaking countries and societies. It was a name long before it was used by the ‘Mercedes Benz’ company as it is, quite literally, the Spanish alternative to Mary.

It’s odd to me that when I go to any European countries such as France or Italy for example, they embrace my name and comment on how beautiful it is but for some reason, English speaking people always assume the worst and make poor informed judgements about who I am based on my parents choice of name. My families homage to my Spanish family back in Spain is lost on idiots.

I’d also like to add that ‘Portia’ too was a name before Porsche existed. As others have mentioned, Shakespeare’s ‘The Merchant of Venice’ features a Portia.

I feel this list should be revised. Do your research next time.


Lemonjello Redenbacher November 3, 2015 at 4:45 pm

This list will not be revised. Mercedes is, and always will be, a stupid kid name.


Anonymous November 8, 2015 at 7:57 pm

You’re an ass.


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