by Lemonjello Redenbacher on June 23, 2009

I am writing a letter to my congressman as soon as I am done here, asking him to submit a bill that decriminalizes the aggravated assault opon anyone doing shit like this to their innocent child.

Jesus, people — she’s just a little girl.  She never did anything to anyone.  What did she do to you to deserve this?  Are you bitter about the labor pains?  Is she an accident that you are trying to “get back” at?  Do you just hate children in general?

Nah — we all know the truth is that you’re just too fucking common and you’re trying to make sure that your kid doesn’t end up a nobody like you did.  It’s just like the Dad that wants to play sports vicariously through his boys because he was a turd on the field himself.

Guess what?  You made her stand out all right — which is exactly what is going to make her be a) a sorority slut that inhales jock-boner regularly b) a goth freak that goes by her middle name, which is probably Rayven or Starrrr or c) a juvenile delinquent and an adult loser (like you) that hates your guts for painting a target on her.

Baylie is a brand of delicious booze (spelled incorrectly), not a child’s name.  Don’t name your kid after booze, no matter how much of it you drink on a daily basis.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymous July 30, 2009 at 5:37 pm


“Jack” is also a brand of mighty fine whiskey, and a mighty fine boy’s name as well.


Lemonjello Redenbacher July 31, 2009 at 7:08 am

Jack is fine. Jack Daniels [last name] is not.

I do agree with you that Jack Daniels is a mighty fine whiskey, though…


Natalie July 31, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Another thing to consider (and I’m sure many parents do) is the last name and how it will work with whatever is chosen as the first.

As I was watching T.V. today, I saw a kid’s name in the credits whose last name was “McQueen.” Guess what his first name was- Steve.

Guess the kid better like racecars, dirtbikes and motorcycles.


Lemonjello Redenbacher July 31, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Exactly. Dad thought it was cool and manly to name him that, I am sure. He’d better be tough…


Orangejello. March 7, 2010 at 12:15 pm

I have a alcohol name. First and Last.


Orangejello. March 7, 2010 at 12:16 pm

*an. “an alcohol name”


Artemis January 11, 2011 at 7:59 pm

The name baylie is perfect…if you’re a golden retriever


Leah September 5, 2012 at 1:19 am

I’m Goth :(
And what you said was offensive to me.


Lemonjello Redenbacher September 6, 2012 at 6:39 am



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