Payson

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on June 22, 2009

I don’t know how much longer I can continue this blog.  I have blood pressure issues, and I get angrier and closer to a stroke with every entry.  When I read about fucking Payson here, for example, the entire left side of my face went numb and I shit my pants.  Wait — that gives me an idea.  I should have a kid, and name her Shyt!

We’ve gone over adding a consonant to an established name to make a new one  (see Rylan) — this is a similar move, but instead these fuckers removed a letter and replaced it with a different letter — so Payton becomes Payson. Fucking clever, huh?

Most of you less observant folk would not realize that what we have here is called a “compromise.”  You see, I read this name in a magazine, and the magazine said that little Payson here lives in Indiana.  Obviously Daddy’s favorite football team is the Colts and therefore his favorite player is Payton Manning.  Mommy was not willing to give in to naming him after a famous football player (and rightfully so), but in an equally ridiculous move, wanted to name him “something unique.”

I don’t know exactly what happened in the following minutes, hours, days and weeks, but somehow both of their stupid fucking brains became entangled and they Frankensteined together this piece of shit name.

I hope little Payson here hates sports.   I also hope he hates his parents.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Orangejello Jenkins June 22, 2009 at 9:43 am

This one could also be named after the town of Payson, Arizona. You know, because naming your children after random towns that you like, even if the town names sounds ridiculous as a child’s name, makes it OK.

I was actually just gonna say that I’m surprised that there aren’t dozens of little girls out there named Vegas, but you know, there probably are.

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Lemonjello Redenbacher June 22, 2009 at 10:12 am

And they are all, coincidentally, strippers in Vegas.

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Wa-Ta-Mel Angelou June 22, 2009 at 10:32 pm

If these parents would have named their dogs after football players or crappy cities we might have been saved from this enraging nonsense.

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Orangejello Jenkins June 23, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Yeah, good point about the dogs. That’s exactly how these parents think of their children when they’re naming them — like pets.

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That's it. February 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I hope i’m not the only one that has trouble with names starting with “pay”.

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knowall besserwisser March 8, 2012 at 11:36 am

“Pay son”. They ment it.

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