Boston

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on June 22, 2009

Yep — a whole new avenue has apparently opened up with kid names — naming them after your favorite city, sports team and/or 70s rock band.  This fucking kid hit the trifecta!

I am willing to accept that certain city names could work as kid names (although none come to mind), but Boston is not one of them.  Unless, of course, your child comes into the world as a boorish, crass, old man.  Then Boston would be perfect.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that this kid was named after the Red Sox or the Celtics.  It makes sense, as fans of those 2 teams are perennially out of touch with reality when it comes to the “importance” of sports,  and would not hesitate to see their child as yet another sports collectible rather than a living, breathing, miniature human being.  The good news is, Boston will have company when he gets older, as the plant he works at his entire life will probably have a few Bostons, a couple of Bradys, one Celtic and a guy named Fuck New York.

Please, please, please people — I know you will not stop naming your kids dumb shit, but for the love of all things holy, please don’t start naming them after cities and sports teams.  I don’t want my kid going to school with Phoenix, Steeler, Laker or Chicago.

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Natalie July 23, 2009 at 5:32 pm

It’s more than a name…
and more than a feelin’!

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eegres September 7, 2009 at 12:05 am

What about Austin?

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Lemonjello Redenbacher September 7, 2009 at 7:16 am

Never been there, but I hear it’s a lovely town.

Oh…as a name? Complete shit.

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mommaof2 February 4, 2011 at 1:40 pm

ok i have to disagree with this! im not a sports fan AT ALL but my sons name is boston! i love the name

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Lemonjello Redenbacher February 4, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Of course you disagree with me — it’s YOUR kid’s name!

Read my first paragraph again – I said favorite city, sports team of favorite rock band. We know it’s not the sports thing – so which is it? Obviously you didn’t make it up.

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mommaof2 February 4, 2011 at 2:35 pm

never heard of the band and frankly my favorite city is tampa so care to rephrase that?

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Lemonjello Redenbacher February 4, 2011 at 2:39 pm

No, I wouldn’t. Why don’t you just tell us all, then, how you came up with this word that was completely unknown to you before?

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mommaof2 February 4, 2011 at 2:46 pm

i didnt say it was unknown i said my favorite city is tampa and i never heard of the band NOT the city i named my son boston cause i thought it was uniuqe! i think this website is totally disrectfull. and i will not be letting n e 1 know about it. u ppl are putting down parents for naming their kids what they want to name them! obviously u dont have any kids cause if u did u would not be putting up names u think is “stupid” there are no real stupid names just like there are no real stupid questions! i have said my peace now have a great day i sure will because i will not returning to this site!!!!!!

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Lemonjello Redenbacher February 4, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I apologize. Far be it for me to be “disrectfull.” I try to be as “rectfull” as I possibly can.

I’m devastated that you will not be telling anyone of my site. I’m sure your HUGE group of friends would have put me into a new tax bracket.

I do have kids, BTW – but I didn’t name them after sports bars or rock bands or U.S. cities.

Another thing that I don’t do to my kids in embarrass them with atrocious grammar and spelling while typing something for the whole world to see.

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Artemis February 4, 2011 at 9:05 pm

@mommaof2 You have a very “uniuqe” way of spelling, I see. And come on, I’m 16 and I’ve heard of the band Boston!

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Ergo Nomic December 14, 2011 at 11:48 pm

My son’s name is Chicago….not.

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Jo February 10, 2015 at 11:48 pm

I lived in Boston for many years. It’s a great town with a lot of history. Nonetheless, anyone who gives a kid such a name is a fucktard.

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Joel May 16, 2015 at 10:37 pm

What about ‘Dallas’?

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Lemonjello Redenbacher May 19, 2015 at 2:12 pm

Stupid

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Artemis October 22, 2015 at 7:30 am

Boston Corbett was the name of the guy who shot John Wilkes Booth. So maybe they’re Abraham Lincoln lovers?

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