Breckstin

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on June 16, 2009

Pop Quiz: What is Breckstin?

a) a dangerous chemical byproduct of the ore-smelting process
b) a shampoo that gives your hair extra body and that salon shine!
c) the dumbest fucking name ever given to a child

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Out of all the fucked-up names I’ve heard of that stupid modern parents are inventing for their kids, I’ve never heard anyone actually name their kid something as stupid as Breckstin.” And you know, I wouldn’t blame you. Breckstin is just too over-the-top and self-indulgent a clusterfuck of letters to actually be anyone’s name. It’s more like a fake name that a comedian or script writer would dream up to lampoon today’s douchebag parents. Right?

Wrongsies!

Breckstin is the actual name of at least one actual kid (and since the terrible moniker conveys no intuitive gender indication, we’ll just tell you it’s a girl). I feel sorry for Breckstin. No one will ever know how to spell her name, and people will always lie to her about how beautiful her name is. And no one will ever tell her parents what utter fucking dipshits they are for saddling their kid with a name that ridiculous. Except us, I guess.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Consequences June 16, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I think I’ve been skiing in Breckstin before. It’s a beautiful place. Too bad it’s filled with a bunch of tree hugging creeps who name their kids, well…shit like Breckstin.

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