SHUT THE FUCK UP! Turkey? There is a woman named Turkey, people! All hands on deck! Move us to DEFCON 2 & get the President on the horn – this shit is getting serious!
Turkey is a grown woman and art director an art gallery. I thought it might be a nickname, but I checked public records and it’s her actual first name.
I’ve been staring at my computer screen for half and hour in disbelief now. I can’t decide what is more unlikely – an actual human being named Turkey, or the fact that she apparently made it to adulthood with that name.
Sorry for the absence, folks. Orangejello were on a month-long bender, and in rehab they don’t let you use the Internet.
This comes from Mark from parts unknown:
Everyone in the family tried explaining to them how unfortunate it would be to name their baby boy Nixon. Another case of Millennials having no knowledge or interest in anything that happened before they were born.
For reals, man. Cynthia Nixon as Miranda on “Sex and the City”…what a total bitch, right? I mean, how does this win out over Samantha or Carrie?
The names will be familiar to longtime SKN diehards, but the commentary is 95% all-new — angrier, more profane and vile than ever. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks again for all your support — we love you guys!
You know — there sure are a lot of Dakotas and Cheyennes out there. Interesting, since Wyoming and the Dakotas are 3 of the bottom 5 states in terms of population. I think there are probably more people named Cheyenne than the actual population of Cheyenne itself.
Your child is not a cowboy or cowgirl. He or she will not ride a bull or be a rodeo queen. Stop this bullshit infatuation with the West. If you want to name your kid something that really mimics the spirit of the old West, name it Cholera, Small Pox or Opium Den.
Today’s entry is from our mailbag, which is overflowing, by the way. Thanks for all the stupid name submissions we’ve been getting lately. Keep ‘em coming! My sister has to be special so she named her daughter Jette. I guess the other “te” is so in case the kid gets fat as hell they can’t […]
Classic case of “do your research”, folks. Just because it sounds pretty doesn’t mean that it is. Far from it in this case. Melena is a medical term that refers to the “black, tarry feces that are associated with gastrointestinal hemorrhaging.” It’s shit, people. Dark, black shit.
Yeah — let the kids on the playground get a hold of THAT little nugget of info.
The Cubs fucking suck. You suck, Mom and Dad, for liking the Cubs. You suck even worse for naming your kid after a baseball park. You suck even worse for naming your kid after a baseball park that hosts the shittiest team in the history of Major League Baseball. You suck even fucking worse for […]
From a fan: I work in customer service and I actually had a customer come in with this name. A person is really walking around somewhere with the name Unique. I just cant anymore. People have gone from naming their kids normally to making it into a game. Who can be the most Unique? Well […]
While we of sound child-naming mind are surely in the minority these days — a very, very small, overwhelmed minority — we do have a potent asset on our side: teachers. ALL YOUR TEACHERS ARE BELONG TO US, stupid parents. That’s right. You know where we get the majority of our submissions from? Teachers. Your […]
We love reader submissions. They let us know we’re not alone in this endless, ill-fated war against stupid parents. We like to print what you send us and give you credit for it, so from now on, we’re tagging all of our reader-submitted stuff as “Dongle Mailbag.” Enjoy. An anonymous fan gave us “Calynthia.” “Swear […]
News flash — we all think our little babies are so fucking precious. We just have the will power not to name them that. Know why? Because most other people — you know, those people that have to deal with our little darlings on a daily basis — they DON’T think Precious is all that precious.
This one’s a fan submission, and I quote: “What the actual fuck.I have a friend who has a now 11 year old name syngen. Why kind of stupid fucked up name is this? It sounds like a company from a sci-fi movie…” I’m with you, buddy. Is it pronounced like “Singin’ in the Rain”, or […]
Muchos apologies from SKN headquarters here, folks. We upgraded to WordPress 4.0 the other day and it took us a few days to figure out why everyone stopped commenting. Well, apparently there’s a bug in WordPress 4 that disabled your ability to leave comments and even to see existing ones. Sorry about that. We’ve now […]
New rule — geological formations and related items should be avoided when naming your kids. The following are unacceptable: Canyon, Rock, Glacier, Gorge, Chasm, Quarry, Crevasse, Cave and Pangea. Cliff sucks too, but it’s grandfathered in (as well as being short for Clifford).
Holy fuck. You fucking parents went all in on this one. This is pronounced “Nat-a-LIE”…not “Nat-a-LEE” mind you, but Nat-a-LIE. As in, “They did NOT name their kid that. That’s a goddamned lie.” Yeah, fuck it, I mean — KN makes an “N” sound doesn’t it? Then why the fuck not, huh? Would’ve been even […]
Ah. The ol’ car name rears its head again. You know, at least with names like Mercedes and Bentley, Mom was at least shooting for the stars. The kid’s never going to drive one of those (because her gene pool is tainted by the likes of a mom who would name her after a car), but […]
How did it take us so long to get the bright idea to put a “Submit Your Own Stupid Kid Name” form up on this site? Just thought of it yesterday and BAM, y’all serve me up a juicy one like Daxton. Our first user-submitted name through the form. The comments from our submitter are […]
Hola, friends. You might’ve noticed the last month or so we’ve been talking a bunch of shit about how funny our audiobook guy is when he reads our posts about awful names, but it feels like kind of a dick move to tell our fans they have to shell out their hard-earned dollars to enjoy […]
OK, not technically all of you. But check it out — Audible.com has given us 25 free download credits for the audio version of 100 Terrible Names for a Baby, Volume I. You guys have to check these out if you haven’t heard them, because they are literally 100 times funnier than reading them on […]
So, I was eating at this buffet restaurant last night. I’m not proud of it, but I was hungry. It was one of those places that are just deeply fucking depressing to step foot in because 70% of the people there are just morbidly fucking obese and I’m pretty sure at least one person has […]