Because The Madness Must Be Stopped.

So, I was eating at this buffet restaurant last night. I’m not proud of it, but I was hungry. It was one of those places that are just deeply fucking depressing to step foot in because 70% of the people there are just morbidly fucking obese and I’m pretty sure at least one person has a stroke or a heart attack every couple nights right there on the fucking floor next to the hot biscuits and garlic bread station. It reminded me of some sort of Make-a-Wish Foundation hospice for Type-2 diabetics who are just throttling down as much spaghetti and Szechuan chicken and carrot cake and vanilla pudding as possible before they ride the Big Marte Carte in the sky.

To protect the identity of the place, let’s call it “Colden Gorral.” Anyhow, I was paying for my dinner and the chick who was running the cash register was named “Jurnee.”

And at that very moment — I stopped believin’.

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Dude, I told you we were working hard. In just a few weeks, we have cranked out Volume 2 and Volume 3 of “100 Terrible Names For a Baby.” And we’re hard at work on another project as we speak (hint: IT’S VOLUME FOUR).

Volume 2 and Volume 3, as promised in our earlier post heralding our arrival as soon-to-be Pulitzer winners, is 95% new material. You may recognize some of the same names, but the vicious, needlessly brutal and shamefully vulgar commentary is all new. The hate and ridicule just keeps on spiraling out of control. You’re welcome.

Like everything we write, we’re pretty sure you’ll like it, and if you don’t, you can return it to Amazon for a full refund. They’re both $4.99.

Thanks again for all of your support! As usual, keep sending us terrible names you find in real life. We promise to publicly shame the parents in future volumes!

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$10 says that the parents have never even been to Africa.

I wonder why some African-Americans name their kids things like Afrika?  Or better yet, I wonder why Caucasians DON’T name their kids Europe?

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Click on the book to buy this fucker.

Hello, friends. It’s been too long since our latest check-in, but I’d like to think we have a good reason that you’ll forgive us for: We’ve been writing a book based on this site. Our first volume is out on Amazon, and it’s called “100 Terrible Names for a Baby, Volume 1.” Volume 2 will be out in July. There will be many future volumes, because, as you know, these shitty names just keep on coming.

The book uses names from our older posts, but most of the commentary is brand-new. I’d say in Volume 1, it’s 70% new stuff, and in Volume 2, it’s more like 90%. The content of the book is WAY more profane and vulgar than the website, btw.

We wrote the book under the pen name of “Johnny Dongle.” That just came to Orangello in a dream one night, so we decided to go with it.

Anyway, if you’re reading this you’re likely to be someone who appreciates the writing we do here, so we wanted to let you know about it. If you like this site, we’re pretty damn certain you’ll love the book. If you don’t, you can return it to Amazon for a full refund. Oh yeah, it’s $4.99.

Right now, the Kindle version is the only one available. The print version should be available by the end of June, in case you’ve got a baby shower coming up for a thick-skinned mother-to-be. Remember, you don’t need a Kindle to read Kindle books; all smartphones have Kindle apps, and even if you’re not a smartphone user, there’s a free program for reading this shit on your desktop computer (I can’t imagine actually wanting to do that, but hey, it’s your funeral).

Thanks to all of you guys for your support! It’s nice to know there’s people who enjoy the awful things we say about other people’s children. And as always, keep sending us the horrible, horrible names you run across. We’ll get them into an upcoming volume, I swear to fucking god we will.

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