Chirp

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on December 31, 2013

Like the sound a fucking bird makes.  Is this the start of some fucking trend?  Are we going to see Caw or Gobble soon too?

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Lynnyx

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on December 30, 2013

Just fucking end this year already!

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Elizabet

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on December 28, 2013

If you say this out loud it sounds like you were about to address someone named Elizabeth and you got interrupted.

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Hayzie

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on December 27, 2013

This name also describes Mom’s mental state.

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McShayla

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on December 26, 2013

If this name were anymore Irish, this girl would get drunk & beat the shit out of herself!

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Blathasar

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on December 25, 2013

Stick this piece of shit in your pipe & smoke it! Merry Christmas, Motherfuckers!

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Maxton

December 24, 2013

I hope Santa brings his parents a swift kick in the ass tonight.

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Reignbeau

December 23, 2013

The rare hippie-hipster name combo.

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M’Syah

December 21, 2013

Get it yet?  It’s Messiah.  That shit is bad enough when spelled properly, but Christ – when you spell it like your keyboard as Tourette Syndrome it’s 100 times worse.

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Amarillo

December 20, 2013

Holy shit – these people apparently gave birth to a 78 year old poker player!

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Squirrel

December 19, 2013

  Squirrel noun: an agile tree-dwelling rodent with a bushy tail, typically feeding on nuts and seed. Great fucking idea, Mom & Dad!

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Baja

December 18, 2013

Welp – now we’re naming our kids after burritos.  Congratulations, America – we’re officially baby name bankrupt!

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Lavender

December 17, 2013

This name is only acceptable if you’ve given birth to a full grown ghetto stripper.

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Branndi

December 16, 2013

FUCK YOU!

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Kizziera

December 14, 2013

I have a rule that any “name idea” containing a “zz” should be scrapped.

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I-Asia

December 13, 2013

I guess it’s better than I-Antartica? Maybe?

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Tustin

December 12, 2013

I tried to research this name, but the results I got were for some city in California instead.  The city was described as the “perfect balance of hood & good.” So, if the parents were shooting for that, maybe this kid will be a straight A student with a penchant for selling crack.

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Randydawn

December 11, 2013

…you’ll know well in advance that you’ll have to vie for attention time with 1-3 illegitimate kids and/or a pet snake.

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Kale/Cale

December 10, 2013

Good health food, shitty name.

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Gilley

December 9, 2013

This is not mean spirited – hell, it’s not even that stupid, to be honest.  But come on – GILLEY?  That’s just fucking ridiculous.   It sounds like the noise you make when you’re tickling an infant’s chin, trying to get her to laugh.  Ahhhh….gilley, gilley, gilley, gilley…..Ahhhhh….gilley, gilley, gilley…

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Timpest

December 7, 2013

I can only assume that this is a misspelled version of the word tempest.  A tempest, for those who are not familiar, is a violent storm. I’m not so sure that giving your kid a name that directly correlates with violence is a great idea.  And besides – Tornado, Blizzard & Hurricane all sound WAY [...]

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Wood

December 6, 2013

Setting aside the utter ridiculousness of naming a child after carpentry materials – did they not consider the fact that “wood” is slang for an erect penis?

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K-la

September 16, 2013

Before you skip over this one as another La-a (Ladasha) type name that may or may not be real (I get dozens of emails a week from people telling me they know a La-a – pronounced La-dsah-a – yet no one I know has ever really met someone with this name).  But this one is [...]

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Laurarose

September 10, 2013

Can’t decide between 2 names? Fuck it – smash those fuckers together and call it one!

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Antionette

September 6, 2013

An anonymous commenter asked me to do this name next.  While I don’t really hate the name per se – fuck it.  I aim to please!

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