Taber

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on April 23, 2015

I was a deacon years ago and had to preach at little Taber’s baptism. I made a connection to Mt. Tabor, where Jesus was transfigured. Well grandma was thrilled at the idea that a random joining of two syllables could be accidentally religious. Accidentally was the only way this couple was going to be religious. The couple felt so important that they even bothered to promise that they would start going to church. Yeah, right. I’m in a profession where I have to seek the best all the time, but I dread bad baby names, like Jaxan.

Thanks for your submission, Padre!

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Hencye (Dongle Mailbag)

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on April 22, 2015

Kid I know. It’s apparently a family name…. Growing up with it might be why he’s such a dick, though.

A family name?  What fucking family – the Addams family?

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Sha’tonka (Dongle Mailbag)

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on April 21, 2015

Saw this name on Maury Povich. She was a beast of a woman who reminded me of a big ‘ol Tonka Truck.

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Bursaus

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on April 19, 2015

I can’t decide if this sounds more like a type of dinosaur, or something that grows on your foot.

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A’Honesty

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on April 18, 2015

You want A’Honesty?  This name is A’Shitty.

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Zylar

by Lemonjello Redenbacher on April 17, 2015

Wayyyy too close to what balloons are made out of.

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Maxo (Dongle Mailbag)

April 16, 2015

STUPID IDIOT! Damn.  I guess you don’t like ol’ Maxo.

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Casche

April 15, 2015

Sounds like a wrong pronunciation of Cache, which is a popular name in India. But it is still faster. Wait – Cache is a popular name in India?  What the fuck is going on over there?!?!

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Skylyr (Dongle Mailbag)

April 14, 2015

Just when you thought that the name Skylar/Skyler couldn’t get any more vomit-inducing.

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Lachane (Dongle Mailbag)

April 11, 2015

This is pronounced ” Lah Shun Ay”….I thinks it’s French for “My parents are a couple of morons” Good one!

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Hollyn (Dongle Mailbag)

April 10, 2015

An acquaintance named her girl this abomination of a name. Just because you can’t decide between Holly and Lynn doesn’t give you permission to portmanteau those suckers.

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Taffee (Dongle Mailbag)

April 9, 2015

I saw this shitastrophe on Family Feud. This show is a treasure trove of shitty names. Her sister was Ramsey just an fyi. I guess this post kills two shitty names in one post.

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Yanky

April 7, 2015

Thank god this is a girl, or this kid would die in an avalanche of masturbation jokes before 10th grade.

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Pentagram (Dongle Mailbag)

April 6, 2015

Hi… my name is Pentagram. I honestly don’t think my mom knew what the word meant when she chose it… or she did and just din’t care. I go by Penny… it’s easier that way. I don’t believe you for one second, but I am adding this name on the off chance that I am […]

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Sakowen (Dongle Mailbag)

April 5, 2015

This name was given to a white boy. The mother should of spelled it Sakowin(after the Lakota for #7) but, the trashy mother can’t spell so, They now call the poor kid Shakowen Why the fuck would ANYONE – white, Native American or any other race/color/ethnicity – want to name their child a number?  Isn’t […]

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Kevasiye (Dongle Mailbag)

April 4, 2015

You could offer me $100 to correctly pronounce this one, and I would just have to tip my cap to you and congratulate you on hanging on to that money.

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Jackasta

April 3, 2015

Welp – good luck with this one, Jackasta!

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Tripayne (Dongle Mailbag)

April 2, 2015

This sounds like a command to the child.  “You want pain?  Why don’t you try pain!  Hey…maybe I’ll just name you that…”

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Dafinus (Dongle Mailbag)

April 1, 2015

“Da-finest.”  Nice, Mom.  Real nice…

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Sssst (Dongle Mailbag; All-Time List Nominee)

March 31, 2015

This name came up on a school roster. My first thought… Were their parents trying for sound a snake makes or maybe it was “sit”? Nope, I was way off. It’s Forest (4 s t). Yes…Forest… W.T.F…. I thought Neveah was the stupidest name in existence. I stand corrected. God damn.  I go through a […]

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Joenald (Dongle Mailbag)

March 30, 2015

What the fuck is going on here?  Is this a mash-up of Joe and Donald?  It is, isn’t it?  Wow.

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Tamarro

March 29, 2015

Sounds like a product you’d use to repel ants.

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Rhaki (Dongle Mailbag)

March 28, 2015

White girl in a corporate atmosphere. Named Rhaki. pronounced like Rocky. WTF

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Ambrosia Lynn (Dongle Mailbag)

March 27, 2015

I’m sorry, did you just know by looking at her that she was destined to be a stripper? (Disclaimer: I have no idea if she is actually a stripper. She is friends sister..but still….seriously)

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Jamariauna (Dongle Mailbag)

March 26, 2015

I used to be a teaching assistant. One time, while going over the class list for the upcoming school year, I found this doozy: Jamariauna. Is it just me, or does it look like somebody just rearranged the letters in “marijuana”? There was also a Chardonnay on the list that year. Classy!

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